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11 Times The Rio Olympic Games Made You Spit Take

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

Daniel Emirkhanian

Aug 08, 2016

Soka University of America

11 Times The Rio Olympic Games Made You Spit Take

Super Slow Motion Spit-Take

With the world watching the 2016 Rio Olympics, there have been beautiful moments where many nations have come together to achieve something great as a unified and whole community, raising the standard of human achievement through friendly competition. These are not those moments.

1. That one moment when super bacteria were discovered in Rio’s bay because "sewage coming from local hospitals got channeled into the bay.”

An Olympic sailor reported, “It's a nice sailing area but every time you get some water in your face, it feels like there's some alien enemy entering your face. I keep my nose and my lips closed.”

2. That other time when an underwater sofa capsized an Olympic Kayaker.

Photo Credit: Phil Walter/Getty Images

The world just wanted him to sit down! (Author's Note: It is more accurate to say "Officials think it was an underwater sofa," but that's just not as fun.)

3. Or when the Olympics brought all nations together in the spirit of competition! Pay no attention to the Lebanese Olympians trying to keep the Israeli ones from getting on a bus, only friendly competition here!

4. When the members of the U.S. basketball team "accidentally" visited a brothel.

Hey, guys, we’ve all been there! Yesterday I "accidentally" visited a McDonald's and "accidentally" ordered three Big Macs and "accidentally" ate all of them. It was "accidentally" delicious.

5. That one time China got a new flag! I mean, the old one was getting a little dirty, anyway.

Look closely.

6. Or that time when…huh, a commercial, if I change to another NBC channel maybe…commercial? Oh, it’s back…what? Another commercial? That’s odd...hey, guys! It's back on, we can-GOD DAMNIT, ENOUGH.

7. The time when they lost the keys to their own stadium!

I know I put them down here somewhere. Yes, Tom, I did retrace my steps. If I knew where I put them last, we wouldn’t be having this problem, would we?!

8. When it was revealed that Olympic executives are skewing the system and taking money away from the athletes.

Wait, so trickle-down economics doesn’t actually work?

9. When you learn that the United States has more than 1000 spies protecting U.S. personnel.

Ah, no wonder the number of bloodsuckers has spiked in during the games.

Ohh, no he didn't!

10. That one time the Jamaican team arrived to unfinished hotel rooms.

I guess Motel 6 isn’t that bad, huh?

11. And finally, when the Australian team was robbed during a fire evacuation!

Much like a kangaroo, Australians cannot walk backward, so getting them into a tight corner was all it took to steal their wallets!

The Rio Olympics make Donald Trump seem competent! Sorry, it's impossible to see that man as anything more than...well, read this and you'll see what I mean.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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11 Times The Rio Olympic Games Made You Spit Take

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

1. That one moment when super bacteria were discovered in Rio’s bay because "sewage coming from local hospitals got channeled into the bay.”

2. That other time when an underwater sofa capsized an Olympic Kayaker.

3. Or when the Olympics brought all nations together in the spirit of competition! Pay no attention to the Lebanese Olympians trying to keep the Israeli ones from getting on a bus, only friendly competition here!

4. When the members of the U.S. basketball team "accidentally" visited a brothel.

5. That one time China got a new flag! I mean, the old one was getting a little dirty, anyway.

6. Or that time when…huh, a commercial, if I change to another NBC channel maybe…commercial? Oh, it’s back…what? Another commercial? That’s odd...hey, guys! It's back on, we can-GOD DAMNIT, ENOUGH.

7. The time when they lost the keys to their own stadium!

8. When it was revealed that Olympic executives are skewing the system and taking money away from the athletes.

9. When you learn that the United States has more than 1000 spies protecting U.S. personnel.

10. That one time the Jamaican team arrived to unfinished hotel rooms.

11. And finally, when the Australian team was robbed during a fire evacuation!

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We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

1. You feel like an elder.

2. You may feel lonely.

3. Senioritis is more real than ever.

4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

6. You are a college pro.

7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

9. You feel like a guru.

10. You continue to grow.

You can't say that no one told you life was gonna be this way.

1. When dealing with people is too difficult.

2. When food is the best part of your day.

...you can't ever say no to it

3. When you meet new people.

4. When you're the third wheel.

5. When life is tough but you're trying to hold it together.

6. When you're the brunt of a joke.

7. When you're too broke for food.

8. When your judgment could be better.

9. When you're not great at socializing.

10. When honesty is the best policy.

11. When you accept your flaws.

12. When work is not going well.

13. When you skip the gym.

14. When you over think.

15. When you swipe right.

16. When you get a crush.

17. When no major life event is happening

"I don't want to do things. I want to do not things."

1. When your advisor tells you that you should declare a major soon.

2. Seeing the lost and confused freshmen and remembering that was you a short year ago, and now being grateful you know the ins and outs of the campus.

3. Going to the involvement fair to sign up for more clubs knowing that you are already too involved.

4. When you actually do the reading required for the first class.

5. Seeing your friends for the first time since last semester.

6. When you're already drowning in homework during syllabus week.

7. Realizing you don't have the same excitement for classes as you did as a freshman.

8. Going home and seeing people from high school gets weirder the older you get.

9. You've already established your de-stress routine.

10. Wondering where all the new freshman came from.

11. But ultimately being glad that you have a lot more knowledge than you did a year ago.

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