1. Ughhhghghgohmygodno

This garbled, incoherent stream of thoughts assaults your consciousness almost as hard as the screaming demon-clock that woke you up in the first place.

2. Why didn't I go to bed earlier?

After you collect yourself enough to form thoughts that actually make sense, you ask yourself, "Why did I stay up so late last night?" The answer stems from your inability to make decisions and process consequences.

3. Hitting the snooze button will be a good idea.

Maybe nobody actually ever thinks this, but we all still press the snooze button at least once and inevitably live to regret that decision. After those eight to ten minutes of simultaneously dozing and panicking over how many minutes are left until the alarm goes off again, we wake up feeling twice as groggy and exhausted as we did before. So we hit the snooze button a second time.

4. That's it! Tonight I'm going to bed at a reasonable hour.

Hahahaha.

5. If I don't get up now, I'll be late.

To be fair, you're probably going to be late no matter what time you get up in the morning so I wouldn't worry too much.

6. OK I know the snooze button didn't work the last two times, but I have a good feeling about hitting it a third time.

That feeling is called delusion, and you're making things worse.

7. Ugh, now I'm late.

You'd think that this would be enough to motivate someone to get out of bed, but that's the same logic that says a Starbucks cup can't cause major controversy, which is to say that you're about to press snooze again.

8. Do I really HAVE to go to class today?

It's just a lecture period today so I can get the notes from someone else. I have, like, pretty good grades in this class. Pretty good. If I go today, I'd be so tired I wouldn't be able to focus so I should skip. When I wake up I'll be rested and ready to catch up on other homework. Do I have to go today? I don't have to go today.

9. I am definitely late.

Between bargaining, rationalizing and snoozing, you used up all the spare time you had left for breakfast, showering and really anything more than picking up yesterday's pants from the ground and throwing on that sweatshirt that hasn't been washed in two months.

10. I'm not going to class today.

If you were to think really hard about it, you would realize that "I'm not going to class today" was mixed somewhere in that incoherent strand of whiny ramblings that you first woke up to. It just took you until now to consciously reach that conclusion.

11. I am going to fail all my classes.

But that's an entirely different story.