As an English major, I have had to field many rather insulting questions and pieces of so-called advice. The following list comprises entirely of things that have actually been said to me.
1. So you're going to teach?
I cannot express the sheer number of times I've been asked this question. While some English majors do want to teach, the majority of us don't. Please stop asking this question. Even if you don't mean it this way, it comes across as implying that our major is basically useless for anything but teaching. Which brings us to number two...
2. What are you even going to do with that?
A lot of things. And no, not just teaching. English majors go on to be lawyers, journalists, publishers, editors and all sorts of other professions. So I'm going to do plenty.
3. But English is such an easy major. You're way smarter than that.
Ah, the eternally backhanded compliment. Contrary to appallingly popular belief, English is in no way an "easy major." The readings, the analyses, and the papers -- it can sometimes seem endless. Just because I'm not doing complex equations or dissecting a cat does not mean that I'm not working hard. Oh, and don't try to wrap up your insult to my life choices in a pseudo-compliment.
4. You do realize that you're not going to make any money, right?
5. I feel like you're just going to judge my grammar now!
This is utterly false. Just because I'm an English major does not mean that I'm going to judge you every time you make a grammatical error. I make them myself all the time. My expectations for grammatical correctness in a conversation are no higher than anyone else's.
6. That's so cool! So will you edit my paper for me?
Alright guys, this one is just obnoxious. I mean, if we're friends and you're struggling and you need help, I'm not going to say no, but random guy from my calculus class? Yeah, I don't even know your name. I have enough of my own papers to write and edit, thanks.
7. You haven't read (insert literary text)? But you're an English major!
I'm an English major because I love to read and write, and I'm trying to expand my literary knowledge. If I'd already read all of the classics, my classes wouldn't be nearly as fun.
8. I appreciate that you like to read, but what life skills does an English major really give you?
Quite a few, actually. Namely, communication. Writing is such an important part of any job. Basically all companies need someone who can write proposals. Pretty much any job you can think of requires writing. Company memos, marketing campaigns, fundraising -- all of them need someone who can write. And writing is pretty much what we do.
9. So, what's a (insert obscure grammatical term)?
OK, all English majors do not walk around with a grammatical index in our heads. While a good portion of us have strong opinions about the oxford comma (which is definitely a thing, I don't care what anyone says), we don't know everything about the English language. So please don't try to strike up a conversation about classifying genitives. I really don't know what you're talking about.
10. OK, so what's your "other" major?
Um, wow. I don't have another major. English is pretty much it for me. I've also heard the word other placed with "real" or "realistic." I've already talked about all of the job options for English majors, so I won't rant about that again, but this one is just particularly insulting.
11. Oh yeah, I hated English in high school.
OK, so I know that this one isn't exclusive to English majors (I'm looking at you, math majors, and I feel your pain). But seriously? What am I supposed to say to that? I appreciate that you have your own opinion, and I'm not even necessarily offended. It's just kind of awkward, to be honest.
