As a Transman, I believe education is key to acceptance. I believe that it is important for everyone today to be educated. There are so many resources that are available to everyone, that it's the perfect time to take the effort to learn about things that aren't the norm in this society. It can be a very difficult topic to understand at first.The key to being a better ally or being more educated is to understand the gist of the Transgender community. Being more educated makes you a better person in the long run. Here are some key points to help better understand the Transgender community.
1. Do not assume gender identity based on strictly presentation and name.
If you do not know, the safest bet is to use gender-neutral pronouns such as they or them and you can use context clues to figure out the right pronouns to use. Don't be afraid to ask directly if you feel they are comfortable. Everyone presents themselves differently, and if a someone who identifies as a male enjoys wearing a dress or make up that does not hinder their gender identity. Be sure to respect the pronouns they use and how they present themselves. Boys can be princesses too, and girls can be a cookie stealing pirate also.
Just don't be rude about it, Gender identity is personal for everyone, not everyone is going to be as comfortable or as confident with expressing.
P.S. Courtney was originally a boys name, so don't judge by name.
P.P.S. The most common pronouns are He/Him/ - She/Her/ - They/Them
2. Do not ask about what bathroom they use.
For some it's uncomfortable to go to the bathroom they identify with that doesn't mean everyone is. Some people choose not to go to the bathroom the gender they identify with because of things like unsupportive family, fear of being assaulted or they just might not be ready. To many it's just a public bathroom and no big deal but to a trans
3. Don't ask people how they have sex.
Sex is pretty simple but also pretty complicated. Whether you're cis or trans, most don't feel comfortable talking about their sex life. Sex is personal and an intimate connection between partners. If you aren't a partner, don't bother asking about what they do in the bedroom (which may just be eating pizza and watching "Harry Potter"). Another thing is not everyone enjoys sex. It's none of your business whether so-and-so has sex with their partner or not. Not everyone is comfortable and might not be in the same situation as others. It's a private matter.
4. Do not "out" someone if you haven't been given permission to do so.
(Outing them, means share their private information to other people without their permission.)
This is very critical and for safety reasons a pretty darn good guideline to follow.
For the sake of the person, do not out them in public, social media, friends, family, etc. Not everyone is comfortable and aren't in the same situation as others to be out or that they actually just like that personal information to be private. Not every trans person wants to be known as that "trans" kid.
Gender identity is personal and intimate information. it is not something for you to decide who gets to know. respect those who do not want it revealed. You never know how a person will react when you tell someone's secret. They can easily be beaten up, assaulted, and become fearful of the people around them because not everyone is as supportive as they hoped to be. do not out someone, you never know their family, friends, work, school situation. If they tell you that they're trans, then they trust you. DO NOT leak that information to other people without their permission and knowledge.
Outing someone is just downright dangerous, you never know what kind of situation they are in. It can put their lives at risked. Trans people do get murdered because people out them. Do not put their lives in danger.
5. Don't ask what's in their pants.
You don't ask your friends what junk is in their pants, so asking a trans person shouldn't even be a thing. You ain't sleeping with them, so why does their junk matter? Everyone goes to the bathroom to pee,
6. Do not ask what their name used to be.
Some people refer to their birth name as their "dead name" Do not ask them what their old name was. it is not your business. People change names all the time, people have many different nicknames. don't ask or say their old name if they have told you to not say it. A name is something that most trans people pick themselves. It is a sacred part of their identity. Do not disrespect the name they have chosen. Also don't tell other people their old name, it is not your secret to disclose.
If you can memorize Pokemon names and their evolutions, you can totally remember someone's name change.
7. Treat them the same way you would treat all your other friends. Just because they are trans does not mean they are anyone different.
8. Don't make excuses for not using and calling them the right name/gender.
You can memorize a theme song
You can sing every Disney song and alternate versions of it
You can do the Pokemon rap song
You can memorize someone's preferred gender/pronouns and new name
It isn't that hard
Please respect people's wishes
9. Do not assume that anyone who is trans, is automatically gay or whatever sexuality you think of.
The thing is that most people confuse
Just because someone who is a Transman, that is dating a woman, does not make the woman gay.
Just because someone who is a Transwoman, that is dating a man, does not make the man gay.
GENDER IDENTITY =/= SEXUAL IDENTITY
If you really want to know their sexual identity, ask them! Do not assume by who they are dating.
10. Do not misgender them (call them by the wrong pronouns)
If you mess up on their pronouns that's okay but apologize after; mistakes happen. Just as long as you are trying because we know that is a process to change name and pronouns.
Do not mess it up on purpose, especially in public places, or places with their family and etc.
It can be extremely dangerous to their mental and emotional health. It takes so much effort and mental strength to even try live as their true self. It's hard to admit and hard to accept that this is what their life is. No one chooses this to be miserable for the rest of their life, for a lot it is either death or transition through life. No one chooses to be alienated from their friends and family. No one chooses to spend $300+ on a name change in order to feel normal, to lessen the anxiety, to be their true self and to lead their life in a more positive direction. Respect their wishes and be a decent human being.
If you can correct yourself after finding out dog's gender, you can correct yourself after finding out someone's preferred gender identity.
11. Recap
Do not assume gender by presentation and name if unsure
Do not ask what bathroom they use
Do not ask how they have sex
Do not out someone (Outing is the act of disclosing a transgender person's sexual orientation or gender identity without that person's consent)
Do not ask what is in their pants
Do not ask what they're old name is
Do not make excuses to purposely use the wrong pronouns/name
Do not assume gender-identity is the same as sexual orientation
Do not misgender them in public (refer to them as a gender they don't identify with, i.e. calling a boy a girl and vice versa)
Overall, you can google a lot of this, to be honest.
Just be a decent person, respect and acknowledge them as the person they really are.
Above all do not judge a person based on their past
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Have I missed anything on the list? Let me know in the comments below.
