I’m sorry to call you out like this but, can we all have a moment of honesty? Your New Year’s resolutions are dead. I’m sorry to break the ~news~ to you like this. There is hope, however, because for all of my Catholic baes it is the Lenten Season. For any non-Catholics, Lent is a season leading up to Easter where Catholics are encouraged/expected to give up something (i.e. junk food, TV, online shopping, as well as meat on Friday’s) for 40 days (or 46 depending on when Easter falls). However, if you are not Catholic, this time marks the end of February and the concrete reality that you have (probably) taken as good care of your resolutions as you have with your Nintendogs. That being said, let’s not dwell on all the things we “gave up” or are currently “giving up” and look at all the things in your life going much better than those ~unkept~ promises.

1. Your GPA.

Remember that first week back from break, right after you had promised yourself that you would spend more time studying and less time watching Netflix/Partying? Well, that was a REALLY great idea, until you forgot about it and now your grades are only alright. Not great by any means, but you’re doing your best. C’s get degrees, amirite?

2. Your Bank Account.

Listen, cheesy bread at 4am is ALWAYS a good idea. That is, until you’ve paid more for late night “snacks” than you did for half of the cost of your books.The ROI on an extra large Pizza (for two people) is the Freshmen (Soph, Jun, Sen) 15. I know you said you would workout this year, but Domino’s is closer than the Rec so I don’t blame you.

3. Your Tan.

This may be a touchy subject with Spring Break closely approaching, but with that in mind, you’ve probably gone tanning at least once this month. Which is probably more than you can say for how many times you’ve been to the library. Remember on New Year’s, when you decided you would ~everyday~ this semester?

4. Your Love Life.

Valentine’s Day has just passed. We made it. All my singles unite. Unfortunately, the quest for the perfect man or woman was not as successful as we had previously hoped. But hey boo-boo, we’ve all been hurt and loved someone we shouldn’t have. At least we didn’t do that (stupid) juice cleanse we said we would in 2016.

5. Your Student Loans.

Sallie Mae sends me more mail in a week than all of my relatives combined on my birthday. That being said, I have a better hold on $40,000 of debt, than I do on how often I promised to do my laundry (and actually put it away).

6. Your Netflix Addiction.

Yes, I am still watching, and I will keep watching until life comes knocking (my door down). This is actually a conflict of interest, because I resolved to find time once a day to have “Me Time”. Technically, binge watching “How I Met Your Mother” is keeping in line with that. That is, until it distracts me from studying for Calculus and Business Ethics. I’m just trying to learn how to be Legen, wait for it, DARY. Legendary.

7. Your Stress Levels.

Life is annoyingly stressful, especially when you’re in college. However, there are so many great outlets for stress nowadays. I know you realize this, because while you were laying in bed all day, after a wonderful celebration of the new year, you signed up for Zumba, Kickboxing, Yoga, and Tai Chi. Oh, you only went to one class and left early? Don’t worry, I read on Wikipedia internalizing and eating your feelings has similar benefits.

8. Your Involvement In the Upcoming Election.

It is extremely common for people of all different backgrounds to become easily agitated and emotional about this topic. You realized this after many heated debates with your friends and family over the holiday’s. So, you decide you need to be more educated about politics. But later realize your knowledge on the topic has as much weight in political debates, as the knowledge you gained from Grey’s has in the ER.

9. Your Personal Hygiene.

No Shave November, Don’t Shave December, Just Don’t Care January, Furry February. With the realm of Playoff Beards and Legging Season coming to a close, we must all come to terms with the fact that our personal hygiene has been sub-par. That is not to say that we haven’t showered in months, but we can do better. As the sun comes out, so should the razors. As the temperature rises, so should the hemlines. We resolved to take better care of ourselves in 2016. So, let’s America smooth again.

10. Your Email Skills.

Dr. Professor Sir Knight Dragon Slayer Smith,

I regret to inform your greatness, that due to an immense illness sprouted in my lower intestine, I will not be in attendance to your exquisite lecture this fortnight. Therefore, I would fancy performing the tasks expected from your holiness, but am in the greatest need of a prolonged date to present my work. Please grace me with a response during your earliest convenience. Thank you greatly for your time and consideration Sir.

With the sincerest condolences and honor,

Me

11. Your Life.

New Year’s resolutions are empty promises we make to ourselves about how we think we should live our lives doing things we normally don’t like or want to do. That’s why they usually don’t last past the first week of the month. If you can keep all of your resolutions, more power to you. And if not, who cares? If you are happy, healthy (within reason), and enjoy the things you do (or don’t do for that matter) just keep on living your life exactly how you are. You have a lot more going for you than you give yourself credit for. (See list above for reference).