So I've read my fair share of sex advice from women's blogs, magazines, and even the Odyssey. To be blunt, all of it was awful. It didn't actually prepare for sex or give any helpful advice for my first time. My boyfriend might kill me for writing this but this is for all you virgins out there or even those who have been active for a long time. (Sorry mom, it had to be done...)
1. Sex is not supposed to hurt
No seriously, it's really not. The whole "popping the cherry"/ tearing the hymen, yeah that... that's a MYTH. Seriously, if you and your partner work together to create enough stimulus, your body will naturally allow enough lubrication for it to stretch. It's supposed to stretch not tear. It tears when your body isn't prepared enough.
2. Touch yourself
Okay I know that sounds creepy, but how can you expect your partner to push the right buttons if you have no idea where they are? Yes you will feel extremely weird the first few times, that's normal but get to know your body. Become comfortable with it, because your partner can't read minds so you have to tell them what you like. And on that note...
3. EDUCATE YOURSELF
4. Talk to your partner
Be honest. If you're not ready, you're not ready. End of story. Your partner can wait. Talk to them and let them know where you're at and ask where they are at because they are in this too. You call the shots with your body but don't go assuming that if they're male they want sex, or if they're a woman whose already had sex that they immediately want it. Talk to them, remember no one can read minds...
5. It's not a race
This whole "virgin" thing is a joke. People are strangely turned on and repulsed by this word. Honestly when I was a virgin, I hated it. I was judged harshly as a "prude" and people would intentionally try to make me uncomfortable just because I hadn't had sex. Apparently it was considered a "novelty" to be a virgin in college and it was irritating as all hell. (Little did they know I probably had much more knowledge about sex then they did) The whole "virgin" thing almost pushed me to make a decision I wasn't ready for yet. Thankfully I was stopped before I made this decision and was able to wait for the right time.
6. "THE RIGHT TIME"
How will you know when it's right for you? For me? I felt comfortable and turned on and had stopped worrying about my lack of finesse, I trusted my partner and felt like I was making the right decision. I'm not kidding when I say "You'll know when you know". It's all about how you feel.
7. "Don't have sex, cause you will get pregnant and die..."
Here's the thing... If you are in a heterosexual relationship, pregnancy is a thing that could happen. You have to take precautions and have a conversation about it. You need to decide what type of birth control is right for you and then talk about your partner's form of birth control. You two should also do some serious self talk about what you would do if a baby did pop up. Morning after pill, abortion, adoption, keeping the child are all decisions that you should know where your partner stands on. If you know this going in, you'll have an easier time if something happens. Check out Bedsider.orgfor some really cool infographics!
8. Practice Practice Practice
I'm not saying you should lock yourselves away for a week but know that you aren't going to get things right the first time. Good sex comes with experience. You're gonna fumble, bang heads, make strange noises, and have some fairly awkward moments. That's okay, laugh it off and move on. Being good at sex will come with time....
9. It's your decision
Sex is your call. No one has a right to your body, not your partner, not your parents, not your religion, not your friends, and not the government (as long as you're past the legal age of consent...). When you choose to have sex is your decision, whether you want to wait for marriage or till it feels right, it's your call. Don't ever let somebody make you feel ashamed for your decisions.
Honestly I might embarrass my family or my church for posting this and admitting that I've committed a "sin" BUT it's their problem. My body is my own and I've chosen to share advice that I wish I had when I was just starting to learn about sex. I got a lot of bad advice but I'm hoping this will help other girls (and guys, forgive my general aiming towards women but it applies to you too) become a little more educated in their choice. Welp, since I've probably already embarrassed everyone who know me...
Have fun! :)
