Most days, for some of us, being biracial or multiracial is just a fact of life that exists underneath the layers of, well, everything else. Some days, though, it feels like you might as well be living under a microscope. There isn't just one singular experience that encompasses what every biracial or multiracial person goes through on those days, but there are some similar struggles we all share (as told below by Brooklyn Nine-Nine gifs, with a few personal anecdotes thrown in).
If you've done any of the below, don't worry, you probably weren't offending anyone —just annoying them a little. Kidding. Unless you were being rude though, in which case: let this be a little insight for you.
1. "What are you?"
Like I mentioned before, being biracial — half Hispanic, half Chinese in my case — obviously isn't something that surprises me; it's just a fact of my life. However, I was recently reminded and even inspired to write this article when I was on my way to French class this week.
In the elevator up to my class, an older man and woman turned to me out of the blue and hit me with that, "What ethnicity are you?" First words to me, verbatim. They were polite enough, so I answered — sometimes people can pose this question and not make me want to cringe when they sound genuine and curious enough. But then they said, "We couldn't tell!" (Which... what does that even mean in that context? Which part could you not tell?) and proceeded to go in on me about what languages I can and can't speak, and basically, I've never been so happy to run away to French class.
For future reference, just a nice 'hi, hello, how are you today' would suffice, otherwise it feels like all you care to see about me is what race or ethnicity I look like to you. Just read the room, honestly. Or elevator. If you need some audio and visual on what not to do, check this video out.
2. ...or the inevitable guessing game.
When you don't immediately answer to "what are you?" and so begins the dreaded guessing game that makes you wish you had just gotten the uncomfortable part over with already. It's basically a whole lot of "You look so exotic! Are you ___? Because you look like ___. Wait, you're ___? I totally called it!" But why do you want to know so badly? Why don't you ask literally anyone else?
3. "No, you're not."
My last name is Wong, and more often than not I think I tend to look more Chinese than I do Hispanic. For that, I typically just say that I'm Asian so no one tries to fight me on it — like this boy I had a crush on in middle school tried to. (My feelings evaporated pretty quickly after that.) Or like anyone who's ever tried to inform my sisters that they're either not Hispanic or not Chinese just because those people can't see it.
I mean, I'm pretty sure I know who I am, as do all the other multiracial people you've probably tried to argue with, so thanks for that — but bye. Ask for my birth certificate again, I dare you.
4. Scantrons and those dreaded check boxes.
Admittedly they're not that big of a deal — I care more about what I fill in on the other boxes, i.e., the answers — but we all know the struggle of trying to decide which one to check. Am I more this? Will they even believe me if I say that I'm that? (I mean, just see the above.) Why is there no 'multiracial/other' option? And even if there were, would that information even be accurate to anyone considering there'd be so many combinations and so many different experiences? Why do you even need to know this?!
5. Family reunions.
If you can't fluently speak either language, you only understand bits and pieces, or you're the actual worst at languages altogether — you dread family gatherings. You feel too much of this when you're with one side of the family, or too much of that when you're with the other, and feeling like an outsider when you know logically you shouldn't (it's family, after all) can be tough and draining.
6. Hearing slurs for being either.
Because apparently being more than one opens you up to a whole new world of possibilities you never thought even the most insensitive of people would try. Not only are you invalidating another part of me to be rude about another, but you're just a jerk. It doesn't even have anything to do with being politically correct or not. Do unto others what you would want done unto you — i.e., no name calling. I don't see swings and a slide around here, so grow up and cease and desist, please.
7. Hearing slurs for being both.
Take several seats, in fact. Mutt, half-breed, mongrel — I'm serious, I wish I was kidding. Whether in person or over the internet, it's happened. I love dogs, but I'm not one myself, sorry to disappoint (I don't even like those words for actual dogs). Though sometimes you get the more creative ones, like those times I heard Chex Mix, Mexicasian or Chexican. Like, you could just not, you know.
8. Double the stereotypes, double the jokes.
I have a vivid memory of a time I was in seventh grade, minding my own business on my way to class. I was coming from the office in the middle of the day, so the cafeteria should have been empty until two boys called out to me, "All babies want to get borned!" I had no idea what they were talking about, so I kept walking — and they kept laughing pretty hysterically. A few months later, I actually saw Juno, and there was the punchline I hadn't even known I'd been waiting for.
Yeah, you're hilarious. I'm pro-whatever-a-woman-wants-to-do-with-her-own-body, so joke's actually on you. It caught me by surprise because I guess I don't naturally think of myself as just one race/ethnicity or the other — but depending on the crowd, other people do, and believe you me, their jokes reflect that.
9. "I want my babies to look like you." or "Can I adopt you?"
At first, comments like these are flattering because it sounds like you mean to say I'm pretty, or something — until it becomes clear you only mean it because I'm half-and-half. And no, you can't adopt me, I'm lucky enough to already have a family I love and would like to keep. Also, I'm an adult, that's weird.
10. "You're going to have such cute babies."
First of all, there are only a handful of people I would endure childbirth for, and they're all celebrities ten to twenty years my senior, so not likely. Also, I can barely feed myself most days, so you really shouldn't say those things to me. Second of all, that's not exactly how that works, but thank you? I mean, if you were actually complimenting me on me and not just images of mixed race babies you pin on Pinterest. And thirdly, no — just no.
(Side note: don't all babies kind of look the same, anyway?)
11. ...but all of that aside, it's the best of both worlds.
Like I said, some days it sucks. Not everyone is genuinely curious about your experiences and who you and your family actually are, but you know they'd be lucky to hear about it all if they were. There's always pride in where you come from, from the food to the language to the customs and traditions, and you get to celebrate two different worlds. So yes, some days it sucks to have all of that simply taken at face value, but most days, just having all of that is cool and that's just a fact of life.
And for those of you still curious about the experiences and struggles those that are multiracial face...
