Welcome to below the Mason-Dixon Line, the Bible Belt, Dixieland (no, this is not an amusement park), or any other nickname that wets your whistle when it comes to describing the South. We are a specific breed of blue collar, true grit Americans that don't dish out anything we cannot take ourselves. Most of the country thinks we are incompetent, but in fact, we pose some of the greatest minds this here world has ever seen. We just do things a bit differently.
Every Southerner has their own quirks that distinguish themselves as exactly as they are, Southern. But, there are many far and wide that share similar actions when it comes to particular foods, language, or just down-right everyday living.
Here are but a few that truly give us our claim to fame.
1. We. Fry. Everything.
From Oreos, to chicken, to your neighbor's dirty socks, we fry anything that will not fry us first. To measure the amount of goodness a fried food contains, one must conduct the grease test. If your fingers do not look like a pig slathered in baby oil, then you're doing it wrong.
2. We use "y'all" even in a formal setting.
Whether we are addressing your mom and them or the President and his Cabinet, y'all is the go-to pronoun. After all, we don't want to sound too Northern by saying "you all".
3. We can spot a fake Southern accent from miles away.
Now the worst is the Cracker Barrel commercials when they try to enunciate the e's and a's more than need be. Now that's just insulting.
4. We add sugar to tea that is already sweet.
Guilty, party of one. No tea just ever seems to be sweet enough, even after 15 packets of Sugar in the Raw.
5. Every Southerner has either seen Jason Aldean, Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley or Luke Bryan in concert.
Whether you are a country fan or not, you have undoubtedly been dragged or happily attended a concert of at least one country artist. And, if you are anything like me, you have seen seven.
6. We ain't ever going to slap our mama because her cooking is too good.
Baked ham, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans, with cornbread on the side. There will never be any slapping of mothers here.
7. We treat high school football like it is the NFL.
We live for the Friday Night Lights. We live for freezing our tail off just to support our boys. We live for the aroma of hot dogs and chili from the guy sitting next to us. We live to attend the games of the school that defined our high school years.
8. Every Southern girl has monogrammed everything but her own skin.
Car mats, shower curtains, bathing suits, pants pockets, you name it. Truth be told, I use to have monogrammed underwear.
9. Church is most definitely not optional.
Our mamas and grandmas always dressed us up in the itchiest lace dresses and most heinous sweater vests to shove us all in the mini-van and make the enduring trip to church. Which was mainly filled with spilled breakfasts, fussing between siblings and a few silent prayers that the Lord would give our parents strength. But, undoubtedly, when we walked through the doors we were the epitome of the "perfect church family."
10. We use "Yes ma'am" and "Yes sir" religiously.
Politeness is required. No excuses. You want to offend a Southerner worse than anything? Forget to to use your manners.
