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Politics and Activism

11 Reasons To Vote Vermin Supreme 2016

"You've Done Worse, and You Know It"

Alex Schick

Jun 13, 2016

Dartmouth College

25692

The Slot

Who are you voting for in November? Many people aren't thrilled with the major party candidates this year, but thankfully, there are other options. One passionate activist and candidate, Vermin Supreme, has been running for President since 2004 and he has some very unique views. If you are having trouble supporting the lesser of two evils, here's why Vermin Supreme may be the candidate for you.

1. His incredible and distinct fashion sense

Want a change from the traditional image of the President? Vermin Supreme's signature boot hat is like nothing this country has seen before.

2. A free pony for every American

Vermin Supreme's pony policy is a job creation program that will help combat lack of public transportation and climate change by reducing fossil fuel consumption. And who doesn't want a free pony?

3. Mandatory toothbrushing laws

Ever talked to someone with bad breath? Not on President Supreme's watch!

4. Zombie apocalypse awareness

Not only will Supreme make sure the U.S. is prepared for the zombie apocalypse, he will harness zombie power using the latest in hamster-wheel technology.

5. Federally funded time travel research

Vermin Supreme is the only candidate who "will go back in time and kill baby Hitler before he’s even born."

6. Monkey tooth fairies

Supreme has mentioned his idea of genetically engineering a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies.

7. His honesty

Vermin Supreme is a self-proclaimed "friendly fascist" with a refreshing honesty. Supreme says he is a politician who will lie and "promise your electorate heart anything you desire" because he has no reason not to. Hey, at least he's willing to admit it.

8. He's multitalented

Mr. Supreme's closing statement at a 2012 Democratic party debate in New Hampshire including an original song about himself set to the tune of the chicken dance.

9. He glitter-bombed politician Randall Terry who opposed same-sex marriage during a party debate

He actually threw glitter on him during a Democratic party debate. Enough said.

10. He's dedicated

Supreme has been running in local, state and national elections since the 1980s!

11. Why not?

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11 Reasons To Vote Vermin Supreme 2016

"You've Done Worse, and You Know It"

1. His incredible and distinct fashion sense

2. A free pony for every American

3. Mandatory toothbrushing laws

4. Zombie apocalypse awareness

5. Federally funded time travel research

6. Monkey tooth fairies

7. His honesty

8. He's multitalented

9. He glitter-bombed politician Randall Terry who opposed same-sex marriage during a party debate

10. He's dedicated

11. Why not?

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I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

1. Watch an R-rated Scary Movie in a Movie Theater

2. Buy a Lottery Ticket

3. Vote in an Election

4. Participate in a Run (or a Walk, Realistically) for Charity

5. Go on a Road Trip

6. Start a Savings Account

7. Get a Credit Card

8. Sign up for Spotify Premium

9. Go to a Club

10. Start a Meditation Routine

11. Go to a Yoga Class

12. Treat Myself to a Dinner for One

13. Volunteer for a Charity

14. Participate in a Research Study

15. Bake Something (That Ends Up Being Edible)

16. Go Skydiving

17. Be Called for Jury Duty

18. Figure Out What I Want to Do With my Life

The holiday classics that shaped my life

1."But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men."

"Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

"If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose."

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

"Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it."

"If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find a that love actually is all around."

"Sometimes things look good on paper, but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on."

"'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.'"

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to."

"There's room for everyone on the nice list."

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

1. Why are towels considered dirty when you get out of the shower clean?

2. Who closes the bus door once the bus driver gets off?

3. Why is there a "d" in "fridge" but not in "refrigerator"?

4. If you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

5. Is the "S" or the "C" silent in the word "scent"?

6. Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

7. Would Lightning McQueen buy car insurance or life insurance?

8. Who put the alphabet in alphabetical order?

9. What color are mirrors?

10. If 2 mind readers read each other's minds whose mind are they really reading?

11. Is there a synonym for "synonym"?

12. If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, are your pants tucked into your shirt?

13. Why is it called "quick sand" if you sink slowly in it?

14. If I try to fail, but succeed, which one did I do?

15. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

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