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Politics and Activism

11 Reasons To Vote Vermin Supreme 2016

"You've Done Worse, and You Know It"

Alex Schick

Jun 13, 2016

Dartmouth College

25694

The Slot

Who are you voting for in November? Many people aren't thrilled with the major party candidates this year, but thankfully, there are other options. One passionate activist and candidate, Vermin Supreme, has been running for President since 2004 and he has some very unique views. If you are having trouble supporting the lesser of two evils, here's why Vermin Supreme may be the candidate for you.

1. His incredible and distinct fashion sense

Want a change from the traditional image of the President? Vermin Supreme's signature boot hat is like nothing this country has seen before.

2. A free pony for every American

Vermin Supreme's pony policy is a job creation program that will help combat lack of public transportation and climate change by reducing fossil fuel consumption. And who doesn't want a free pony?

3. Mandatory toothbrushing laws

Ever talked to someone with bad breath? Not on President Supreme's watch!

4. Zombie apocalypse awareness

Not only will Supreme make sure the U.S. is prepared for the zombie apocalypse, he will harness zombie power using the latest in hamster-wheel technology.

5. Federally funded time travel research

Vermin Supreme is the only candidate who "will go back in time and kill baby Hitler before he’s even born."

6. Monkey tooth fairies

Supreme has mentioned his idea of genetically engineering a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies.

7. His honesty

Vermin Supreme is a self-proclaimed "friendly fascist" with a refreshing honesty. Supreme says he is a politician who will lie and "promise your electorate heart anything you desire" because he has no reason not to. Hey, at least he's willing to admit it.

8. He's multitalented

Mr. Supreme's closing statement at a 2012 Democratic party debate in New Hampshire including an original song about himself set to the tune of the chicken dance.

9. He glitter-bombed politician Randall Terry who opposed same-sex marriage during a party debate

He actually threw glitter on him during a Democratic party debate. Enough said.

10. He's dedicated

Supreme has been running in local, state and national elections since the 1980s!

11. Why not?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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11 Reasons To Vote Vermin Supreme 2016

"You've Done Worse, and You Know It"

1. His incredible and distinct fashion sense

2. A free pony for every American

3. Mandatory toothbrushing laws

4. Zombie apocalypse awareness

5. Federally funded time travel research

6. Monkey tooth fairies

7. His honesty

8. He's multitalented

9. He glitter-bombed politician Randall Terry who opposed same-sex marriage during a party debate

10. He's dedicated

11. Why not?

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No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

1. When you get your acceptance letter

2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works

3. When it’s move in day

4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people

5. FROG Week

6. When you find your squad

7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time

8. When you take on way too many credits

9. When you go to your first party at JMU

10. When the rival school shows up for the homecoming game (or any game really)

11. Sunday Brunch

12. When you see the infamous “preacher” for the first time

13. The first snow day

14. Madipalooza

15. When finals week rolls around

16. When you have to say goodbye

17. And when you finally get to go back

Do you have a small get-together or throw a big bash?

1. Your family and friends ask what you want for your birthday, so you give them a list of options.

2. You're super excited about your birthday the week before.

3. Your family flies in town to celebrate with you.

4. Your siblings wake you up.

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