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Politics and Activism

11 Reasons To Vote Vermin Supreme 2016

"You've Done Worse, and You Know It"

Alex Schick

Jun 13, 2016

Dartmouth College

25697

The Slot

Who are you voting for in November? Many people aren't thrilled with the major party candidates this year, but thankfully, there are other options. One passionate activist and candidate, Vermin Supreme, has been running for President since 2004 and he has some very unique views. If you are having trouble supporting the lesser of two evils, here's why Vermin Supreme may be the candidate for you.

1. His incredible and distinct fashion sense

Want a change from the traditional image of the President? Vermin Supreme's signature boot hat is like nothing this country has seen before.

2. A free pony for every American

Vermin Supreme's pony policy is a job creation program that will help combat lack of public transportation and climate change by reducing fossil fuel consumption. And who doesn't want a free pony?

3. Mandatory toothbrushing laws

Ever talked to someone with bad breath? Not on President Supreme's watch!

4. Zombie apocalypse awareness

Not only will Supreme make sure the U.S. is prepared for the zombie apocalypse, he will harness zombie power using the latest in hamster-wheel technology.

5. Federally funded time travel research

Vermin Supreme is the only candidate who "will go back in time and kill baby Hitler before he’s even born."

6. Monkey tooth fairies

Supreme has mentioned his idea of genetically engineering a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies.

7. His honesty

Vermin Supreme is a self-proclaimed "friendly fascist" with a refreshing honesty. Supreme says he is a politician who will lie and "promise your electorate heart anything you desire" because he has no reason not to. Hey, at least he's willing to admit it.

8. He's multitalented

Mr. Supreme's closing statement at a 2012 Democratic party debate in New Hampshire including an original song about himself set to the tune of the chicken dance.

9. He glitter-bombed politician Randall Terry who opposed same-sex marriage during a party debate

He actually threw glitter on him during a Democratic party debate. Enough said.

10. He's dedicated

Supreme has been running in local, state and national elections since the 1980s!

11. Why not?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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1. Mentally preparing yourself to convince your hair dresser that white is the way to go.

2. Or the anxiety of what could go wrong by bleaching your hair at home.

3. You could either become a ginger

4. Or a pixie

5. The face you make in the mirror when you take off your towel to unveil the perfect white strands.

6. Taking a million selfies the day you bleached it, because you know your roots will be back in literally 2 days.

7. Having to get bangs or a big chop because your hair is so damaged.

8. Having orange highlights in between touch-ups.

9. Going out for a drink afterwards to debut your updated look.

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Recommended for you

11 Reasons To Vote Vermin Supreme 2016

"You've Done Worse, and You Know It"

1. His incredible and distinct fashion sense

2. A free pony for every American

3. Mandatory toothbrushing laws

4. Zombie apocalypse awareness

5. Federally funded time travel research

6. Monkey tooth fairies

7. His honesty

8. He's multitalented

9. He glitter-bombed politician Randall Terry who opposed same-sex marriage during a party debate

10. He's dedicated

11. Why not?

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Think of everything that you've heard about college... and completely forget it.

1. If you thought that you knew how to study, you're wrong.

2. So you're living with a stranger...

3. You will lose some of your high school friends.

4. New friends are amazing!

5. You will feel like a visitor at home.

6. Embrace the party scene... or not.

7. FOMO is very real and you will feel every bit of it.

8. A good-night's sleep? What is that?

9. The "Freshman 15" is a myth... Sort of.

10. There's nothing better than a fresh start.

11. Yes, it will be the best years of your life!

Moms: the only reason voicemail still exists.

1. Leaves you voice mails.

2. When you answer, the phone says, "Hey it's Mom!", even though you have caller ID.

3. Tells you things about your friends she found out on Facebook.

4. Fast-forwards through sex scenes.

5. Asks you what really provocative song lyrics mean.

6. Comments on everything you post online.

7. Asks you if you are seeing anyone.

8. Tells you what she had for dinner when you aren't home.

9. Asks you the same question over and over.

10. Tells you you need a haircut.

11. Tells you you need to start eating more.

12. Snoops on your life.

13. Wakes you up in the morning in that annoying calm voice.

14. Tells you she's proud of you about everything.

15. Uses lingo in the dorkiest way.

16. Asks you to vote for her favorite contestants on 'American Idol,' 'Dancing with the Stars,' or 'The Voice.'

17. Makes a ridiculous amount of snacks when your friends come over.

18. Loves you unconditionally.

Blonde hair, don't care!

1. Mentally preparing yourself to convince your hair dresser that white is the way to go.

2. Or the anxiety of what could go wrong by bleaching your hair at home.

3. You could either become a ginger

4. Or a pixie

5. The face you make in the mirror when you take off your towel to unveil the perfect white strands.

6. Taking a million selfies the day you bleached it, because you know your roots will be back in literally 2 days.

7. Having to get bangs or a big chop because your hair is so damaged.

8. Having orange highlights in between touch-ups.

9. Going out for a drink afterwards to debut your updated look.

As told by "Parks and Recreation" GIFs.

"Uh? Eating? Am I Eating? Yeah..."

"Oh, yeah. I've been eating super healthy"

"Sorry, I can't talk! I'm studying!"

"I aced my final! No worries!"

"My grades? Uh..my professor hasn't updated them in awhile.."

"Everyone failed that test. Not just me!"

"I go to class literally every day. I'm NEVER late"

"I really try to just spend money on necessities.."

"No, I didn't call just to ask for money.."

"I'm feeling really motivated about the coming semester.."

"I'm really right on track to graduate"

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