Okay, so what in the world is the deal with this wall?

Or fence.

Or increased border control.

Or all of the above.

The answer, drum roll, please,

…Is that nobody knows. To be honest, I’m not even quite sure that Mr. Trump himself knows. As you may already be aware, yesterday morning President Trump signed an executive order to begin the construction of "the wall." Ominous, amiright. So let’s break down the idea of this wall into bite sized, highly skeptical remarks. Because when all else fails and we’re terrified, be sarcastic. Or, you know, tweet about it. So in order to understand exactly what is going on, I have compiled a bunch of information into bite size tidbits, ie, Questions I have for Donald Trump in regards to this Great Wall of America.

Dear President Trump,

1. Where again is this money coming from?

Because it sure as hell seems as though Mexico ain’t paying for it. How do I know this? Well, I could go to twitter and hear all of the people blatantly denying any claims that they might put any money towards this thing. Or I could look at the fact that the Mexican president actually canceled his meeting to America with you. Ring any bells?

2. Why do you keep calling it a wall when it is a glorified fence?

Is that like guys who buy really big loud trucks to compensate for other things?

3. Did you take classes in construction?

You said yourself in a press conference, “I’m very good at this, it’s called construction” when referring to questions about the wall. Have you ever constructed anything yourself? But more importantly, are you good at everything? Is there anything you cannot do?

4. How are you going to stop people from tunneling under the wall?

Or as you said, “grabbing a ladder, and then a rope”?

5. What do you say to “experts” who say that ‘no wall is impenetrable’?

Surely they’re not actually experts.

6. What about all the places on the border that are swampland or mountains and cannot sustain a wall?

7. Are you going to claim the privately owned land by eminent domain?

8. What’s going to happen to that fabulous golf course on the southern Texas border?

If you build around it, does that mean that there will be some land that is the U.S. and Mexico right next to each other without some large blockade? Does that bother you?

9. Or the endangered animals?

Oh you haven’t heard? Wildlife also straddles the line between the US and Mexico. I mean, all the Mexican jaguars are criminals, but that’s beside the point. Specifically the California red-legged frog and the jaguarondi are like, totally endangered, and like, putting up a wall, might like, actually expedite that extinction. But don’t listen to wildlife specialists. You’re smarter than them.

10. Are you prepared for environmental lawsuits?

Because that’s what 2^nd in command California official Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom says you should be. But don’t listen to him. He has his own opinions. Sad.

In your own words: “I don’t feel like waiting a year or year and a half. We’re going to start building”.

11. Where is this money coming from?

Did I already say that? Oops.