1. “YASSSSSS, QUEEEN!!!!”
We get it. Everything we do is fabulous. We ain’t sorry ‘bout it. But we are tired of straight white girls yelling “YAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSS QUEEEEN!!!” for wearing clear nail polish or a t-shirt with a piece of glitter on it. (This is sometimes referred to as “gay goating.”)
2. “SLAY”
See #1.
3. “Will you be my GBF?”
There's a 2 year waitlist. I can give you my lawyer's number if you're serious.
4. “You have to come shopping with me, OMG!”
Why? If everyone looks great (example: me), then the people (The Gays™) who look great won’t stand out for looking great, and you won’t have anyone to Gay Goat at.
5. “Oh my gosh, I have a gay friend, and you guys would totally hit it off.”
We probably already know each other because everyone knows everyone in The Gay Community™. (Seriously though, don't hesitate to set me up with someone. It's always cuffing season in my mind.)
6. “So, who’s 'The Boy in the Relationship™'?”
The point is literally that we’re both boys. Plus, this question is heteronormative, which is soooo 2012.
7. “Are you two dating?” (When two guys that are gay happen to be friends.)
No. We're just like girls in the sense that there is safety in numbers. Oh, and we're reading everyone to each other, and it's really fun.
8. “Do you like Beyoncé?”
Yeah, it’s a requirement.
9. “Look at this picture; isn’t he cute??”
Yeah, that picture is, but you should probably get that snapchat to make sure he doesn't look like an amateur police sketch in real life because that selfie is suspicious.
10. “I love hanging out with you because you’re like a girl but without the drama.”
Have you met me? I’m the second most dramatic person on this planet (the most dramatic being Mariah Carey).
11. “I don’t mind that you’re gay as long as you don’t hit on me.”
I wasn’t going to. Just take my coffee order, Dustin.
