Crunch time is now upon us, college students! The friendly countdown clock is ticking, reminding each and every one of us of the amount of schoolwork that we didn't complete over the semester. Final paper prompts are piling atop final exam study guides as students continue to shove all of them aside for Netflix. Sleep schedules stretch. Meals are skipped. Christmas carols encircle our heads, reminding us of our deprivation from the outside world. Remember that suffering is temporary, but your GPA is forever. Also, (for some of you) C's do get degrees. Get ready to buckle down; we're all in this together. So, here are some thoughts that will run through all of our heads as we begin to tackle the looming weeks:
1. "It's November? How did that even happen?"
You're lying! There are only three weeks of class left? We just moved back into the dorms last week...
2. "You want me to write how many pages?"
One research paper is not a problem; five research papers guarantee certain death.
3. "But...My bed is so comfortable!"
Most people stay up all night studying. My nugget of wisdom? Sleep in the shower.
4. "Eh. I'll do it later."
Sadly, there are not many days left... *cue screaming*
5. "Screw it. *pulls up Netflix instead*"
*screaming stops* I'm just watching "Friends" for the rest of the night.
6. "How many free absences do I have left?"
Those stomach viruses always flare up around finals week. How convenient...
7. "If I fail this, I still have my parents' basement."
My parents always say that they miss me. Of course, they have no idea that they are my college drop-out back-up plan.
8. "Starbucks needs to be open for 24 hours. Seriously."
I'm pulling an all-nighter, and I want a White Mocha! Help.
9. "I want to go home."
Stop playing Christmas music in the dorms. There is no happiness here.
10. "Okay... How many points can I miss and still pass this class?"
Most college students only pull out their calculators once a semester, and this is the time.
11. "I'm changing majors next semester."
Honestly, I just want to sleep.
College students: "May the odds be ever in your favor."