Many of the people closest to me know that in the past a little shy of a year, I have been on a new journey. It has been one of many laughs, many tears and certainly some (a lot of) self discovery. It hasn't been easy by any means but the lessons I've taken away will take me to places I can only imagine; a life beyond my wildest dreams.
1) People leave. And it has nothing to do with me.
This lesson hit hard. Throughout my life, there have been many times that I've cried in anguish at the feeling that everyone good in my life leaves. Obviously there must be something wrong with me, right? Wrong. I am not the center of the universe. I do not cause anyone to do anything. If people leave, it only means that better people will come soon. I try to keep in mind that everyone I meet is either a blessing or a lesson. The truth though? Most are both.
2) Always hug goodbye. You never know when it will be the last time.
A couple of months ago, one of my close friends passed away unexpectedly. It completely caught me off guard and I remember getting that phone call at midnight and crying on my mother's lap that I never got to say goodbye. After all, the hardest goodbyes are the ones that go unsaid. Today however, I know that I did in fact get to say goodbye. I always hug people goodbye and after that day I made a point of making those hugs a little tighter for everyone I love.
3) I'm worth respect, love and affection.
At a relatively young age I went through a terrible trauma. It rocked my world and completely skewed my expectations of what I deserve from others. I struggled and still struggle to fight with the feeling that I am not worthy of respect, love and affection. However, with the support of some women and men that are absolute God sends in my life, I have come to understand this thinking is a delusion.
4) Life is short; eat the cookie.
Another major lesson I had to face head on was the reality that life is far shorter than any of us would care to admit or to accept. For this reason, I have tried to adopt a more outgoing attitude about the silly things in life I used to worry about. Because in reality, do they really matter? So, eat the cookie, stay out late, laugh really loud and never stop having fun.
5) Don't be long where you don't belong.
If I had a dime for every time I heard this one, I'd be a rich woman. I absolutely hated when people would tell me this, but after a few too many sticky situations I finally took it to heart. Today I am free to go anywhere on this earth, with the stipulation that I have good reason for being there. This phrase always reminds me to check my motives.
6) There's not much a cup of coffee and a listening ear can't fix.
I have lived for a long time believing that every problem I have is the END OF THE WORLD. But really, when I take a step back to talk out loud with someone I trust, a lot of times I realize what I was upset over was completely inconsequential.
7) Love hurts. Sometimes it hurts really bad. But keep loving.
Love sucks a lot of the time. Bottom line. My heart has been broken badly and put back together on numerous occasions. But every time I get hurt, I somehow seem to forget the "put back together" part. Heartache doesn't last and neither do the times of sadness and depression. This allows me so much hope for the future because despite past heartbreaks, I know today that hardening my heart is not the answer and will only hurt me worse in the long run.
8) If you can't think of anything to be grateful for here are three things; air, the sky and the opportunity for change.
Gratitude is hard for me; I won't lie. However, my mother has had a huge impact on me in teaching me the art of the gratitude list. Some days are harder than others, but on the hard days these are usually the three things she points out. Even one thing to be grateful for shows hope for the future.
9) Friends appear when and where you least expect them.
I can't even explain how true this has been for me. When I started down this road, I felt alone and empty and friendless. Today I can't get away from my friends. They know most everything about my life today and they keep me in check. The truth is, I'd be lost without the people who keep me going.
10) Overthinking can be killer.
This one makes me laugh. I am seriously the QUEEN of overthinking. I take things that happen and make them these big, long dramas in my head that they never were and never will be. If I can try and spend a portion of everyday quieting my mind I am much better off.
11) Say "I love you."
This one kind of ties back to Lesson 2, but is kind of different for me. I have always assumed that people knew how I felt about them because after all, I wear my heart on my sleeves. But if I have learned one major lesson these past eleven months it's that no amount of love can "fix" someone, but it can let them know you'll be there when they need you. I tell my family I love them every time I leave, every time I hang the phone up, no matter what. And even though this may be foreign to some people, I always tell my friends how loved they are by me. So in case someone hasn't told you this today, I love you and you are perfect exactly as you are.
Today I am not afraid of anyone's opinion of me. I am who am I am because I have fought to become this way. And just like I love each and every one of you, I love me too and I can't wait to see what comes next.
