If there's one thing I learned about myself during my last two years of college, it's that I'm a magnet for fuckboys. And I'm not talkin' those weak ass refrigerator magnets. I'm talkin' the heavy-duty, can't-pull-it-apart-even-if-your-life-depended-on-it type sh*t.
At this point, I'm pretty sure "Ruin my life." is tattooed across my forehead. I've been to hell and back with some of these boys, but if there's one thing I know now, it's that if you ever receive any of these pathetic statements, you need to dump his ass before it's too late.
1. “Would you ever want to get back together?”
GiphyHAHAHAHA are you f*cking serious? YOU broke up with ME... multiple times!
2. “I don’t deserve you.”
GiphyThis is the biggest cop out EVER. It's every boy in the world's way of saying, "I'm trying really hard to get you to break up with me so I don't seem like a dick."
3. "I have a girlfriend."
GiphyHow tragic is it that this line doesn't even phase me anymore when the guy finally decides to 'fess up?
4. *Does absolutely nothing to show he cares* “I care about you a lot.”
GiphyDidn't anyone ever teach these fuckboys that actions speak louder than words? We're not stupid. Don't say sh*t you know you don't mean. It doesn't benefit either of us.
6. “She and I were on a break.”
GiphyYes, that was totally obvious from your daily conversations and her need to know where you were during this so-called break. Honestly, how dumb do guys think we are?
7. “I’m gonna miss you so much when you move back home.”
GiphyOK, depending on your relationship with the boy, this could be a really nice thing to hear someone say. But often, it's also a filler statement, so take it with a grain of salt.
8. “I’m not really sure where she and I stand right now.”
GiphyOK, then figure it out and let me know when you do???
9. “I wasn’t ignoring you. [Insert generic excuse/lie here.]”
GiphyOK to be fair sometimes this is legit. But only like 25% of the time. And if it's becoming a repetitive thing, then girl, what the hell are you still doing talking to him?
10. *Any time an Ex hits his line* “We’re just friends.”
GiphyYup, heard that one before. Hell, we've all given that one before.
11. “I never use condoms, and I’ve been OK so far.”
GiphyDoes raw feel better? Yeah, of course. Am I ready for a child or an STI? Hell f*cking no. Wrap it up, bud.
