I will state for the record that I am a resident parker only, however, I hear the laments of my sisters, brothers, and others who commute to this school with the issue of parking. This is hopefully a retrieve from your sorrows and an allowance to laugh. And maybe cry a bit.

1. Pray

You are going to pray to whatever force you believe is out there. You know that people have been complaining all day about the parking, but maybe you are special.

2. Hope

You have just finished going through the whole parking lot once. No luck. Maybe, since a class is getting out soon, someone will get in their car and go home? Maybe you can become really, really lucky.

3. Neutrality

Okay, so nothing yet. You still have thirty minutes before class starts. You will be fine! You have your skateboard, even if it takes a while to find a parking spot. Just make sure to bring everything with you when you get out of the car. Get a coffee if you have time. Think about the things you need to do today.

4. Annoyance

There is no WAY that there hasn’t been a single parking spot opened up! Maybe there have been cars in front of you who have snatched up a spot you didn’t see. Maybe everyone is just lallygagging around just so you are late for class again this quarter.

5. Blaming the School

I hate this school! You accept more people than you can handle, and you do not make changes to the whole way your students get to school? 75% of us are commuters! The rest still have cars, but no. You want to just squeeze us all in. It’s not like we have more important things to do other than finding parking, such as I don’t know, actually going to school?

6. Blaming Strangers

You know what, I see so many people study at the library. I get it, maybe these people cannot study at home. But why not study at a cafe, open up some space for us here! If you don’t have class or some club thing, go home! Go somewhere else. Please!

7. Blaming Yourself

Okay, maybe if I woke up an hour earlier, I would have found a parking spot. Like, if I eat a breakfast bar instead of cereal, I can cut my time down by 5 minutes? Maybe I should stop trying to put on eyeliner before I am supposed to be out the door.

8. Anxiety

Okay, now I am late to class. Seriously, how is this even possible? Can they drop you from the class even if there is no attendance? What if I am late for my next class, that one I have a quiz in. Oh please let me find a spot!

9. Rage

(The writer chose not to write the numerous amount of colorful expletives that are deserved for this piece, for the sake of her creative integrity. You get the picture.)

10. Defeat

You will be stuck in this parking lot forever. The class is almost over, you will be late to the next one. Accept it. No one likes you. You aren’t lucky. It will never be okay. You might as well drop out now. (By the way, I know some people this quarter have been dropped from classes from this issue, and I sympathize.)

11. Conclusion

I FOUND IT. Beautiful in its emptiness, the trash littering it’s base non-existent to your hungry eyes. A parking spot. You pull in like a swan, gracefully, without fear and letting go of all of your bad vibes. You are home.

Or

Alright, I guess no school for me today (drives home with silent tears).