I really tried to buckle down and write an article this week that was thought provoking and currently relevant to the world; I truly did. However, both a particularly tiresome work week and my building procrastination have left me in frustratingly real writer’s block scenario. I came to a Friday night with the task of creating this week’s piece. I wanted to be that person that turns down hang out sessions to bang on my craft with hardcore dedication. You know, the type of thing that intensely passionate narrators found in “video that will motivate me” YouTube searches advise. Usually a dude is yelling behind various scenes of athletes working out and telling you that all excuses are always irrelevant, and “the path to success is a lonely one”.

In the wake of my Saturday morning hangover, I am here to tell you I didn’t do any of that. I succumbed to the pressures of having fun on a Friday night and I let a night of drinking beer and smoking around good people let it happen. So, there was no research of current events in sight. However, I have an obnoxiously present train of thought that bends in weird ways during times of inebriation. Here is a list of 11 things that I thought of last night when entering that perfect drunk zone. Why 11? I was originally going to write 20, but going back to sleep is very important to me. Also, I wanted to seem like I overachieved a list of ten.

1. I don’t think Betsy Ross (or whoever actually made the U.S. flag) was all that great. The flag could be way cooler. Seriously, where were all the artists at during establishing the nations’ branding? I think the flag hype is a case of groupthink. The jig is up Betsy.

2. I wonder if my dog is sick of answering “what” he is to people. What about asking who he is? “What is your dog” is a strange question. Next time I’ll just say he is Remy and he is beautiful.

3. I want to watch Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” in its entirety right this second. (I suggest to watch a clip, and they switch it after one section) Damn it. I’ll try again in 30 minutes.

4. The Domino’s pizza guy looked sad. I know how it feels to work nights; it sucks. I wonder if he is still at work. I hope he gets home safe on his bike. It’s late and he has a bunch of cash on him. If I were a person that robbed people I would probably rob him.

5. The tapestry on my wall is so inviting and intricate, I love it. I wonder who made it. I bet their mind is crazy and they are probably good at math. Unless a computer made it, then fuck this tapestry. Wait a second, a human made that program so, alright. Wait another second, when did I get all “team human”.

6. What if I did a handstand right now while they are talking. Ready Daniele, do it. Okay, one...two...ah whatever, I can’t do a handstand; who am I kidding. I can do a kart wheel though (I shift from one chair to another). That’s good enough.

7. I look intently at everyone’s eyebrows.

8. I hope my late grandmother isn’t mad that I use the butterfly box she gave me to hide 420 things.

9. I remember a time where I saw a bird murder another bird by pecking out its brains. I wonder the motive.

10. I really get the housewife thing now, like... I just get it.

11. What if this floor just fell through? Our downstairs neighbor would freak out. What if our floor just flew up to the 3rd? Our upstairs neighbor would be even more freaked out.

There are 11 of my drunk thoughts. As I write them down, I am a little concerned about my thought process, but I am more concerned about my headache. I am going to drink all the water now. Until next week, good night.