Recommended for you

Start writing a post

Entertainment

11 (Corny) Jokes To Brighten Your Day

Cause who doesn't need a laugh?

Claire Barckholtz

Mar 21, 2017

Saginaw Valley State University

24665

Jeremiah Kraniak

The world right now is not happy. Social media is negative, the news is negative, people in general are so negative nowadays. In light of this worldly negativity, I decided to share my all time favorite jokes to the public to share a laugh and a smile and to lighten up the mood that has so penetrated everyone's souls.

So, without further ado, here are my favorite jokes:

(Warning: I cannot promise that they will not be cheesy.)

1. Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

2. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

3. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

Because they kept saying Bach, Bach, Bach.

4. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

Bison.

5. Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?

To get a long little doggie.

6. Why couldn't the dinosaur watch TV?

Because it was dead.

7. I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough...

I just handed in my too weak notice.

8. Why did Sally fall off of the swings?

Because she had no arms.

9. Knock knock?

(who's there)

Not Sally.

10. I'm positive I just lost an electron,

Better keep an ion that.

11. So an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar...

And the bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors here."

Report this Content

This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Relationships

10 Facts All People In A Large Family Can Confirm During The Holiday Season

The holiday season can be the best and most stressful time of the year, especially when more people are involved.

Baylor University

844

Unsplash

The holidays are full of lights, sweets, sweaters, and your favorite movies. There's nothing quite like this period from the beginning of December through January. Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Years. The fun of it all.

I don't know about you but with my large Italian family something is always going on during this season. It can be the most wonderful time of the year while also being the most hectic. These are a few things you know if your family is anything like mine during this time.

Keep Reading...Show less

christmas

Lifestyle

10 things that happen the second Thanksgiving is over

AKA, Christmas overload.

UNC Charlotte

1725

10 things that happen the second Thanksgiving is over

reference.com

To those who celebrate, you just spent an entire day cooking an elaborate meal with all of your favorite foods. You probably ate your body weight in pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes. What happens now? Oh yea, Christmas. It’s time to take out all of the decorations and Christmas themed things that have been sitting in the attic since last year; it’s time to make a reappearance. So, here are 10 things that happen the second Thanksgiving is over.

Keep Reading...Show less

christmas

Adulting

18 Things I Want To Do Now That I'm 18

I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

Emory University

4221

Flickr

For the entirety of my high school career, I was always seen as the goody-two-shoes. I never got in trouble with a teacher, I kept stellar grades, and when I wasn't doing extracurricular activities, I was at home studying. Even when I did go out, it was usually with a bunch of fellow band geeks. The night would end before 11:00 PM and the only controversial activity would be a fight based on who unfairly won a round of Apples-to-Apples when someone else clearly had a better card (I promise I'm not still holding a grudge).

Now that I'm officially an adult, I want to pursue some new things. I want to experience life in a way that I never allowed myself to do prior to entering college. These are the years that I'm supposed to embark on a journey of self-discovery, so what better way to do that than to create a bucket list?

Keep Reading...Show less

Featured

10 Life Lessons from Christmas Classics

The holiday classics that shaped my life

The University of Alabama

2599

Flickr

The holiday season is full of stress, debt, and forced conversation. While we rush through the month of December, it's important to take a step back and enjoy the moments before they're gone. Most families love to watch Christmas movies, but these beloved films provide more than entertainment. Here are 10 life lessons that I've learned from the holiday classics we watch every year.

Keep Reading...Show less

Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

Ursinus College

201962

Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions

StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less

philosophical

Recommended for you

11 (Corny) Jokes To Brighten Your Day

Cause who doesn't need a laugh?

1. Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

2. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

3. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

4. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

5. Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?

6. Why couldn't the dinosaur watch TV?

7. I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough...

8. Why did Sally fall off of the swings?

9. Knock knock?

10. I'm positive I just lost an electron,

11. So an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar...

Subscribe to our Newsletter

The holiday season can be the best and most stressful time of the year, especially when more people are involved.

1. The Family Traditions

2. Enough food for an actual army

3. Never enough space

4. Always Loud & Never Boring

5. Parties. Parties. Parties.

6. Scheduling

7. Travelling

8. The family members you see once a year

9. DRAMA

10. The questions about life

AKA, Christmas overload.

I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

1. Watch an R-rated Scary Movie in a Movie Theater

2. Buy a Lottery Ticket

3. Vote in an Election

4. Participate in a Run (or a Walk, Realistically) for Charity

5. Go on a Road Trip

6. Start a Savings Account

7. Get a Credit Card

8. Sign up for Spotify Premium

9. Go to a Club

10. Start a Meditation Routine

11. Go to a Yoga Class

12. Treat Myself to a Dinner for One

13. Volunteer for a Charity

14. Participate in a Research Study

15. Bake Something (That Ends Up Being Edible)

16. Go Skydiving

17. Be Called for Jury Duty

18. Figure Out What I Want to Do With my Life

The holiday classics that shaped my life

1."But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men."

"Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

"If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose."

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

"Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it."

"If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find a that love actually is all around."

"Sometimes things look good on paper, but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on."

"'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.'"

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to."

"There's room for everyone on the nice list."

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

1. Why are towels considered dirty when you get out of the shower clean?

2. Who closes the bus door once the bus driver gets off?

3. Why is there a "d" in "fridge" but not in "refrigerator"?

4. If you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

5. Is the "S" or the "C" silent in the word "scent"?

6. Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

7. Would Lightning McQueen buy car insurance or life insurance?

8. Who put the alphabet in alphabetical order?

9. What color are mirrors?

10. If 2 mind readers read each other's minds whose mind are they really reading?

11. Is there a synonym for "synonym"?

12. If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, are your pants tucked into your shirt?

13. Why is it called "quick sand" if you sink slowly in it?

14. If I try to fail, but succeed, which one did I do?

15. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

Trending Topics

Top Creators

Trending Stories

Best of Entertainment

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments

Subscribe to our
Newsletter