I'm sassy and I know it. I have been and probably always will be for the rest of my life. Sasshole friends are a unique breed. We judge, roll our eyes, react a little on the extreme side and most of all we are your most open and honest friend (even if you don't want us to be). So if you or someone you know is judgmental and ruthless, allow me to give you an inside look to the confessions of a sasshole.
1. If I don't like you, you probably already know.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. Between the eye rolls and the extreme sassy commentary, you should be able to tell if there's a problem between us. I don't hide my emotions, so it should be easy to tell.
2. Contrary to popular belief when I'm being sassy I am not trying to be funny.
Yes, you may take it as a joke but there is a 99.99% percent chance that I am indeed not trying to be funny. Perhaps this is a good thing to know. Just think about all the sassy comments I can make and people think I'm kidding. Genius! But then again when I'm "overreacting" about a situation I don't want you to laugh, I want you to get sassy with me.
3. I secretly love it when my fiancé says things like, "Don't get sassy."
Honey, I didn't get sassy, I was born that way! Right now in my relationship, I am taking advantage of the fact that he still thinks my sassiness is cute. I think it's cute. One day it will just be a part of our daily conversation and he may get tired of it, but oh well.
4. I'm not afraid to put you on blast.
If you wronged me or someone I am close to, you should know two things to be true. One, my mom and all of my closest friends know exactly how wrong you are. Two, I will undoubtedly put you on blast at some point. Maybe not right away, but at the right time I'lI throw it out there. I think I actually enjoy putting people on blast. So try me. What would life be without a little drama here and there?
5. When I'm quiet, you should know I'm probably judging you.
I am rarely quiet. If we are together and I am quiet for more than five seconds, you can almost guarantee that I am judging you. Now no worries, when I judge you I judge you out of love.Just be glad I am judging quietly.
6. I don't discriminate, I judge everyone.
I know we aren't supposed to judge people but people watching is such a fun hobby. It might be the person at the store or the family at the restaurant, either way, I'm judging.
7. Don't ask me how my day was unless you're ready for a rant about something small.
It's not that I had a bad day or anything peculiar happened, but part of being a sasshole is also being a little over dramatic. One simple 30-second story about how someone cut me off on the highway can turn into a 5-minute story. You call it ranting, I call it giving you all the details
8. My parents really should have made"Petty" my middle name.
Lauren Petty Evers. It has a nice ring to it don't you think? Now I admit some of the things I say and do can be a little excessive, but only when the situation calls for it. Just know when you want to be petty I can probably out petty you. Don't make it a competition honey.
9. I will sing any Beyonce song like its the National Anthem.
Beyonce is the QUEEN of sass so it only makes sense that I know every word to every single song. I will sing Queen B's songs loud and proud. There is a sassy Beyonce song to fit every sassy situation.
10. My read receipts are ALWAYS on.
Don't try to lie to me that you "didn't see the message," Because I know for a fact that you saw the message at 11:52 p.m. I demand quick responses and a little honesty wouldn't hurt either.
11.I DO have a heart.
It may not seem like it. It may be difficult to see behind the eye rolls and sassy comments, but I do love my family and friends and would do anything for them. I may judge some of your choices and I may be hard to handle at times, but you love me and you know it.
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