10 Of The Worst Quotes From Fifty Shades of Grey | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Entertainment

10 Of The Worst Quotes From Fifty Shades of Grey

A short list of some of the most cringe-worthy quotes from the scandalous Fifty Shades of Grey novel

14262
10 Of The Worst Quotes From Fifty Shades of Grey
playbuzz

Six years ago, a new writer by the name of E. L. James published her first book, Fifty Shades of Grey. The world was taken by storm because of the book's erotic content. In fact, the world managed to completely overlook the fact that Fifty Shades is easily one of the worst books published in American history. Strip away all the sex scenes, and you're left with an awful plot full of flat characters and awful writing. Still, Hollywood decided to turn the garbage into a movie, and this Valentine's Day is the release of the sequel. Before you jump on the bandwagon to give E. L. James more money, I would recommend reading these ten, real quotes from her first novel.

1. "His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel...or something."

This reminds me of when I was younger and thought more adjectives made the sentence better. Of course, I've come to learn that less is more. Next, I must address the "or something". What was she trying to say? Why did she add that on the end? How are people actually buying this?

2. "My inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba."

This quote is so relatable because every time something good happens to me, I envision a tiny woman gently swaying her hips inside of my body. I guess I can understand the whole 'inner goddess' thing, but why must she sway in a gentle samba? It's honestly irrelevant.

3. "I'm all deer/headlights, moth/flame, bird/snake- and he knows exactly what he's doing to me."

I'm pretty sure James typed this and forgot to edit it out. None of those things even have anything in common. What is the "bird/snake" comparison all about? I'm completely dumbfounded. Take a look at the picture above. Does that correlate to a deer in headlights? Not a chance.

4. "Don't you like the butt drawer?"

No, not really, but thanks for asking.

5. "Argon? It rings a distant bell from chemistry class- an element, I think."

She thinks. Yes, it is indeed an element. The next time my parents start harping on me for "not learning anything in school", I'll remind them that a woman from their generation was unsure of whether or not argon was an element.

6. "My inner goddess is beside herself, hopping from foot to foot."

Okay, here goes the inner goddess again. Maybe it's just me, but the mental image of someone hopping from foot to foot is nothing short of hilarious. I myself have never hopped foot to foot, but it is not beneath this inner goddess to do so.

7. "The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor."

Sing it with me- "one of these things is not like the other!" In case you didn't know, terminal velocity refers to the highest velocity attainable by an object as it falls through a substance. So in other words, no, the elevator did not whisk you away with terminal velocity. It's like James took one physics class in high school and wants everyone to know.

8. "I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto."

There is such a thing as trying too hard. Sometimes, it's better to just say "red". You might even wish to say "I must be the color of a blooming rose" and people would definitely get the point. The Communist Manifesto is over the top, to say the lease.

9. "My inner goddess fist pumps the air above her chaise lounge."

I really wish you would stop talking about your inner goddess. Also, why is your inner goddess just sitting around on a chaise lounge? If I had an inner god, I imagine that he would probably just stand around in my subconsciousness. He definitely wouldn't fist pump the air either, this isn't a rave.

10. "Christian Grey just sent me winking smiley...oh my."

I remember saying things like this with my friends in middle school! I mean really, nothing screams sexy like a winking smiley. I'm beyond turned on right now just from thinking about receiving a winking smiley from someone.


If you enjoyed these quotes, there's plenty more from this book as well as her entire series, and they only get worse from here. If you ever feel discouraged about writing a book or think that you might not get published, just remember that this garbage made it through, and now E. L. James has a net worth of eighty million dollars.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

198775
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

20010
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

461745
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

28814
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments