With summer right around the corner, the plans for making money are hot on our minds. Internships, promotions, orientation leader for the incoming class or even RA positions for next fall, all have one thing in common — interviews. Ugh, interviews suck. It's basically 15 to 115 minutes of pure torture, tiptoeing around while trying to win over an audience with less emotion than the Grinch himself. But they are crucial for our futures. So, before you brave the storm and take on a laundry list of interviews, here are some crucial tips to to help you kill an interview. I mean, murdering it. Like it's dead. Done. If you didn't get the position, your interview probably sucked worse than most movie sequels. So, listen up ladies and gents, don't do this stupid sh*t during your next interview and maybe you will have a chance at the position.
1. Wear denim on denim.
Interviews should be business professional, and if you are lucky, business casual, but never wear jeans, especially if it basically looks like a damn jumpsuit.
2. Wear a dress you wore to the club last weekend.
I'm sorry, but a sweater does not make that tight dress any cuter or more "professional." Go check out Charlotte Russe and at least buy something that covers the girls. The position is for one, not three.
3. Call your mom.
She probably wished you good luck, and go ahead and call after, but unless she is going to change your diapers and hold your pacifier on the job, handle this interview yourself.
4. Raise your hand.
Yes, there was a question. You are the only one there, so, do not raise your hand. My god, don't wait to be called on.
5. Talk about your ex.
They changed you. They made you stronger. Cool, you look pathetic right now. How is this relevant to the question about your availability? The interviewer didn't ask if you are you single, idiot.
6. Cry.
Tears are for the weak. Don't make things more awkward than they already are.
7. Overdose on perfume.
The goal is to not absolutely reek and to keep everyone in the room conscious. If people start dropping like flies thanks to your new "Fearless" perfume, think again.
8. Food covered résumé.
Career Services says to have a unique and informative résumé. By unique, they do not mean covered in pizza crumbs and marinara sauce with a hint of grease smearing the words of your last job reference. And by informative, they don't mean that your favorite topping is probably buffalo chicken due to the coloring of the stains left behind.
9. Quote "High School Musical."
Q: "What are your thoughts on working in a team atmosphere?"
A: "We are all in this together."
Q: "Are you capable of accomplishing difficult tasks?"
A: "There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach."
10. Reference your stint in county jail.
Just because you were the leader of Cell Block D, doesn't mean you should reference it as a testament to your leadership skills.
