One of the biggest misconceptions about college is that drama does not exist, and well it does. People will talk about you, you might talk about other people. You may run into someone who makes witty comments or glares at you from afar. I am telling you now there will be instances where you find out you did not get invited to your groups Starbucks run or shopping trip, and you will get upset. You may even confront them about it. There could be gossip, tears or backstabbing, all inevitable things due to the fact you are around your girlfriends all the time. All of the uneccessary drama that is bound to occur can simply be avoided by following some precautions;
1. Ask yourself this question, "will this matter in a year?"
Sure, it may seem like the end of the world when you found out a couple of your friends went out to breakfast off campus one morning, but does it really matter in the long run? Chances are you are not even going to remember this even happening a couple months later. Take a breath and let it go.
2. If you hear someone talking about someone else...
DO NOT JUMP IN. Oh I know, it is so easy to contribute to someone else's conversation about something like Alexis hooking up with Nick at the party and how Nick did not even speak to her in class the next day, even if you know more details- simply pass by and stay out of it. Contributing more gossip to the situation will get you involved and once you're involved- that is when people get hurt.
3. Do not be afraid to call people out.
You might run into some crazy situations where someone is talking about somebody else. You will shortly find out that people are going to talk. People are going to make unnecessary negative comments and will do things that will have you thinking, "did they really just say that?" If you call someone out and stop them from gossiping, it will prevent things from getting out of control. They will also know that you are not someone they want to mess with, because you stick up for other people when they are not present.
4. Stand up for yourself too.
Do not be afraid of confrontation. Even though it is something that is extremely hard to do, it is something that has to be done. If you do not stop someone from talking about you, or doing something that upsets you, chances are they will keep going. If you see a conflict arising, stop it as soon as you can by talking to the person directly.
5. If you find history repeating itself...
If you find yourself in the same situations with the same people over and over again, maybe those are not the best people you should be spending your time with. For example, if you and this one girl who call each other friends end up in conflict after conflict and keep having to reel people in to take sides, that girl might not be one to call a friend. Your friends should be people who make you feel positive about yourself, not people who you are afraid to be around because you do not know when the next conflict may start or because there is awkward tension.
6. Be trustworthy.
When someone trusts you with a secret, keep it! Do not go spreading information left and right to other people. Believe it or not, it takes a lot for someone to vent, so keep that information to yourself! Even if someone asks you if you know anything about something that you have prior knowledge of (such as the information your friend told you) DO NOT SPILL. It WILL stir the pot and your friend will find out that you passed along information.
7. Be careful who you vent to.
If you already know that someone can not keep a secret, or is known to be a bit of a blabbermouth, do not go telling that person about yourself. This may seem obvious, but one tiny slip and you could find yourself in some hot water. If you need to vent, find someone who is not directly involved such as a roommate. Roommates are perfect people to vent to because if they are not in your girl group, they can have a larger perspective and give good advice since they do not have a direct relationship with any of the girls you may have tension with.
8. Be nice and stay true to yourself.
Follow the golden rule and treat others the way you would like to be treated. You will have so much more fun in college if you are kind to everyone. Invite people to the dining hall with you. Say hello to people that you recognize. If you embody the characteristics of a nice person, you will steer clear of drama. Do not give into drama because it will only end up hurting you in the long run.
9. Get to know people before you judge them.
There might be a time where one of your friends decides that they do not like a particular girl, for whatever reason they may tell you. That does not mean by default you decide you do not like them either. Ask yourself, "do I have a valid reason to dislike this girl?" if your answer only falls in the category of "because my friend does not" then you do not have a reason. Get to know someone first, then you can decide if they are not your favorite.
10. Do not talk about other people.
I know it sounds hard, but if you spend your time talking about everyone else, you are truly missing out. If all you do is judge other people, you leave no time for real things to talk about. Talk to your friends about the adventures you have had, your fears and your family, what excites you and what you are looking forward to. Not about who hooked up with your neighbor in your residence hall. None of those details are going to matter later on in life, but building connections will.
College does not need to be a repeat of high school, but when it feels like it is when tension builds and conflicts arise, remember to stay out of it. Find the people who truly care about you as a person, and not details about another persons social life. You are going to want to look back on college and remember all the crazy memories you made- not all the times you had to avoid your friend in the bathroom for a month because you got into a fight over something you will not even remember years down the line. Make the most of your four years and surround yourself with positive people.
