With the progress our society has made in gender equality and the massive issues still facing us, you’d really think we wouldn’t still be arguing about something as trivial as who should pay for a date. But there are still innumerable memes and videos circulating social media featuring people weighing in on this controversy. First of all, asking “Who should pay on a date, the man or the woman?” is awfully heteronormative, assuming there is exactly one of each of those on any given date, which obviously isn’t always the case. And expecting men to pay for dates is not only archaic and sexist, but a pretty unfair financial burden to put on men. But since it doesn’t appear that this conversation is going anywhere, I’m willing to attempt to settle it with a few potential solutions:
1. Whoever suggested the date
This solution may be the most courteous, especially if you and your date are in different financial situations. If you ask someone to go to a fancy French restaurant with you where the appetizers alone cost $25, it’s not really fair to then expect them to pay for it. If you ask someone to do something with you, you should be prepared to take on the cost of your chosen activity.
2. Whoever grabs the check first
This is a great way to go if you want to turn your date into either a game of spoons or “check chicken,” depending whether you and your date are both trying to impress each other or avoid paying. Bonus points if you knock over your date’s drink lunging across the table for the check.
3. Go Dutch
I get it, it’s not super romantic, but honestly this is probably the simplest solution if nothing else. Just paying your own way guarantees that nobody feels guilty and nobody has to pay through the nose.
4. Alternate
If you’re in a relationship or just going on numerous dates with the same person, you can always just switch off who pays. That way you both get to experience feeling like the big shot and being pampered, and neither of you is taking on too much of the cost.
5. Arm wrestle for it
Sort of unfair if one of you has significantly more arm strength than the other. But might be the most fun way to decide, and it’s an excuse to hold hands!
6. Halvsies
Just splitting the check may be slightly more romantic than Dutch. Also easier for restaurant staff than paying individually.
7. Whoever has more money at the moment
I mean… let’s face it, sometimes one of you is broke, or at least, more broke than the other. Each according to their ability, right?
8. Flip a coin
Or as I like to call it, the Two-Face method (except with a fair coin). Let fate decide!
9. Or you could just not spend money
The best solution for when you’re both equally broke. Have a romantic time in a public park or a free art gallery, and maybe if you feel like splurging, throw in a couple dollars each to make pasta together at one of your homes. Probably more fun than some stuffy restaurant anyway!
10. Whatever you do, just don’t let the patriarchy decide!
So, if a guy really really really wants to “prove his manhood” or something by paying for a date with a woman and she’s okay with that, then fine, whatever. But lots of people (namely broke men, independent women, and progressive people of all genders) aren’t cool with that system. And listen, you’re an individual, and the best part about that is that you can decide how to pay for a date however you want. So why let gender norms decide (if indeed they’re even applicable to your dating situation)? Plus it’s probably better to communicate with your partner and decide together how you want to do it if you’re expecting to foster a healthy relationship between the two of you. The point is, it really doesn’t matter how you decide to pay. Let’s just all decide together that this pointless argument based on weird gender norms is officially over!
