Everyday conversations can sometimes become boring, monotonous; an endless parade of grayness. I’ve found that an unusual word here or there does wonders to brighten up a previously banal exchange. Sure, some people may think you pretentious as you push up your perpetually slipping glasses and use the word “mafflard” (a stammering or blundering fool) in a sentence, but hey - a little pretension never hurt anyone.
1. Accismus
An insincere refusal of a thing that is greatly desired.
For instance, "Please don’t throw me a surprise birthday party." "Honey, a diamond ring? You shouldn't have!" and "No, you take the last piece of cake. I don’t even want it." We’ve all engaged in this behavior - some of us more than others - so it’s nice to know there’s a neat little term for it.
2. Agelastic
A person who never laughs.
These are the severe, stern folks who don't think Monty Python and Seinfeld are funny. Truthfully, they deserve our pity for living such miserable lives, but they're so dour that it's hard to give it.
3. All-overish
A vague feeling of poor health that extends to the entire body.
The perfect word for those hypochondriacs among us. Although it doesn't exactly sound official, feel free to use it when describing why you believe you're dying, according to the various symptoms you’ve researched on Web M.D., the ultimate rabbit hole.
4. Callisthenical
A person who enjoys exercise.
Let's be honest - these people are both very impressive, and very scary. Anyone who runs for pleasure intimidates me, since I view running as a “to be used in an emergency” activity only. Thankfully, I seem to be in the majority - there are still many people out there who don’t find exercise pleasant, but love lying around in pajamas and eating chocolate. These are the sort of people I’ll probably stick with.
5. Constult
Acting stupidly together.
This generally begins in your teens, prompting the adults in the vicinity to hold forth with the ubiquitous lemmings analogy, which is listened to and promptly forgotten. It is also often responsible for both the funniest, and most terrifying things that have happened to you, like trying on thousand dollar pillbox hats at Saks Fifth Avenue under the nose of a very disapproving security guard.
6. Crump
The sound your feet make when you step on snow.
After many years of delightful shivers racing up and down my back anytime I walked outside in the winter, it’s nice to put a name to the sound. Also, now I can tell people that I crump, and it will be the absolute truth.
7. Gound
The nasty stuff that collects in the corner of your eye.
We’ve all stumbled into the bathroom upon waking to be confronted with a whopper in the tear duct. It's profoundly relieving to finally know that there is a word for these eye boogers, even if that word doesn't make them go away.
8. Keck
The feeling you get right before you vomit, including the accompanying sounds.
It's appropriate that this word should be so delightfully gross sounding, since the action will be similarly repellent.
9. Philodox
Someone who is in love with their own opinions.
All too often, this person is dead wrong. But what else did you expect? They generously offer their thoughts and advice, despite it being completely unsolicited. Anyone who has ever had an uncomfortable tete-a-tete in the kitchen before Thanksgiving dinner about where their life is headed - this word is for you.
10. Scrouge
To make someone uncomfortable by pressing against them or standing too close.
These people are rampant - they are the bane of every single line in existence. They seem to specialize in subways, where they either go for the "press up against you from behind" option, or the infinitely worse, 'I'm going to hover where you're sitting’ route. As a New Yorker who takes the subway often, my heart’s dearest wish is to be spared such a plight.
