After spending countless hours in coffee shops trying to memorize irrelevant dates for my history classes, I have noticed the different types of people who also frequent coffee shops. I dare you to sit down in a coffee shop for a few minutes and people watch. There is a very good chance you will spot people from this list.
1. The Instagram Snob
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There is nothing more pleasing than staring at latte art. Have you ever looked at something and said, "Wow, that is too beautiful, I am afraid to touch it and mess it up?" This person is more concerned with how their drink looks rather than how it actually tastes. After taking about 50 pictures, he decides the lighting is inadequate and moves to a seat near a window. Next, he spends five minutes trying to choose the most aesthetically pleasing filter. Once he finally posts his photo, he takes a sip of his drink and realizes it has gone cold.
2. The Intern
The line for the coffee shop is almost out the door, and it is her turn to order. She stares blankly at the menu above the barista and has a moment of sheer panic. She wonders, "Did my boss say two shots of espresso? Did she want extra foam? Why didn't I write this down?" Eventually she blurts out the order and prays she does not get fired on the first day.
3. The Cute Couple
Coffee dates are widely popular because they last for as short or as long as you want them to. I have witnessed awkward first dates, but I have also seen some of the cutest couples. They are usually sitting in a corner of the room, whispering secrets and laughing together. You just cannot help but acknowledge them and start picturing their wedding in your head.
4. The Tea Drinker
As amazing as coffee is, not everyone drinks it. I know, I am just as shocked as you are. Since coffee shops try to be accommodating, there is usually a list of drinks for non-coffee drinkers. I think this is nice, especially if you are meeting someone for the first time and learn they do not drink coffee. What I do not understand is people who go to a coffee shop only for the sake of ordering tea. When you ask them what they are drinking, and they boldly proclaim, "I don't drink coffee. I always get the tea here, though." Wait, what? You only get the tea? Part of me wants to believe that this person is normal, but maybe the caffeine is clouding my judgement.
5. The 15-Year-Old Girl
Consequently, after the tea drinkers, there is always the person who is afraid to order actual coffee. Instead, she orders a double chocolate chip frappucino with whipped cream. Maybe if she is feeling adventurous, she will get a vanilla bean with a pump of raspberry syrup. For one, she is having a dessert, not a drink. Second of all, she cannot even taste the coffee because of the added sugar. Her parents must have warned her not to order coffee. Maybe she tried it before and did not like it. I am aware that young girls are not the only culprits; grown men are just as bad. If you are going to be the girl, my advice is to enjoy your drink, but never, ever believe that what you are drinking is coffee.
6. The Hipster
What would a coffee shop be without hipsters? I honestly think there would no longer be a coffee shop. While there is plenty of debate surrounding what exactly constitutes a hipster, I am referring to the well-dressed male sporting a man bun and doodling away in his Moleskine notebook. Other noticeable characteristics include black rimmed glasses, slouchy beanies and overgrown beards. Take your pick. If he fits one of these descriptions, you have found a hipster.
7. The Bookworm
Among the hushed conversations, you will find the person who is completely engrossed in a story. She is in a whole other world, unaware of the mom scolding her two kids to the right or the man talking loudly on his phone to the left. Nothing else matters besides her book, and no one dares to interrupt her.
8. The Procrastinator
The homework assignments are piling up, and he has just realized everything is due tomorrow. In hopes of earning a passing grade, he assumes that going to a coffee shop will force him to be more productive. As soon as he arrives, he works for 10 minutes, decides he has done enough and resorts to scrolling through Facebook posts. Two hours later, the coffee shop is about to close, and he rushes to finish.
9. The Planner
This person is the complete opposite of the procrastinator mentioned above. Her hair is thrown into a messy bun, and she is wearing no makeup. She is sipping on something strong, probably an Americano or Cappuccino. Upon arriving, she lays out her sticker-clad laptop, colorful pens and Lilly Pulitzer planner. She makes a to-do list and feels a sense of accomplishment as she crosses off each item. Clearly, the procrastinator should be taking notes from her.
10. The Fitness Freak
Fresh out of yoga class, she embarks on her two and a half mile journey to her favorite coffee shop. She is always trying new drinks, but refuses to order anything unless it has the words "skinny," "sugar-free" or "soy" in its name. I often wonder if her drinks actually taste good. Maybe she knows something I don't.
If you take anything from this list, I hope you realize we all share traits from these stereotypes, and that is perfectly normal. After all, what would life be without a cup of coffee?
