While it is obvious that my life consist of dousing myself in sunscreen, avoiding all clothes that could make me look like the sun, and struggling to find a foundation that's pale enough to match my skin tone, there are few things about being a redhead that aren't so obvious. So to all of you who are curious about the life of a human carrot, here is a list of true facts about redheads (as told by a redhead). Be prepared for fiery puns.
1. Our suitcases are filled with 90 percent sunscreen when we travel and the struggle to tan is real.
Tanning? More like burning and waiting for a raging sunburn to fade into a tan. Unless we swim in SPF a-million and constantly flip back and forth for a few hours, then we may get a little color.
2. Science says that each one of our freckles is a soul that we've taken
By science, I mean your friend who watches South Park and nothing else.
3. We're all part of the Weasley family.
Totally. We're all wizards. How could you tell?
4. "How did you get your hair?" is our most frequently asked question.
I lit a torch when I was in my mother's womb. How else? In all seriousness, if you ask this question to a natural redhead, your answer will be a long tale of genetic lineage. Well, because, that's how we got our hair color.
5. ... and second is "does the carpet match the drapes?"
Ask me this question and I will tape your eyes open and make you to watch every single KIDZ BOP music video ever made. On loop. For three days. Who cares, anyway? It's no one's business no matter what hair color you have. If you can't handle the heat, don't ask for a fire.
6. We really like butt stuff, apparently.
Somehow, somewhere, in the vast space of the internet (probably on Reddit), someone made up a stereotype that redheads like anal sex more than other hair types. It's poor to assume that we all enjoy it. This goes without saying for any hair type. Don't assume. It's silly.
7. Redheaded men can be hot too because #equality.
Let me spark your redhead fetish ablaze, ladies and gents. These redheaded men are straight fire. Literally.
@TheDailyMail
@Mirror
@Men'sHairForum
8. We don't always want to play the redhead.
It was Halloween eve. I was in kindergarten and all of my friends were going trick-or-treating as Disney princesses. One was Belle, the other was Cinderella, and I, contrary to what you may assume and after days of convincing my friends with Legos and crayon-swapping, did not go as Ariel, but went as Snow White. I was caught between myself and the rest of the world; wanting to fit in and go as the one redheaded princess (before Merida was every a thing) or going as my favorite Disney character.
9. We get angry, but it's casual.
From the O'Doyle family in "Billy Madison" to Big Red in "Bring It On," redheads have been relentlessly portrayed by the media as aggressive, mean, and unfriendly. While we can be masters of sass, we are as easy to make laugh as we are to upset and are goofy as hell.
10. We are redheads and we are proud.
While we may have a history of being made fun of, asked weird questions, and nonsensically stereotyped, we are proud to be what we are; different. No matter what hair color you have or how pale (or not) your skin is, it is important to embrace what makes you different, and redheads are a fiery example of that.
Stay golden! Or red.
