My boyfriend, Noe, and I have been together for a year and a half now. Seven of those months have been spent in long distance with me going to school in Louisiana and he attending school in Maryland. We anticipated that starting a relationship right before the beginning of senior year might be a risk because we both already knew that none of the schools we were looking at were anywhere close to each other, but we decided to take the leap anyway. I can't speak for him, but I know it was one of the best decisions of my life because what ensued is what has been the happiest year and a half of my life. Senior year came with all of the stresses of college applications, shows and showcases etc. but for us there was also a sense of racing the clock to spend as much time as we could together before we were a country apart. By the time second semester rolled around, we knew that we would much rather prefer to tackle long distance as opposed to ending the relationship. Knowing this, we started talking intensively about what each of us were going to do to keep the relationship alive.
College is hard, and relationships are hard. Plain and simple. Amidst classes, extracurricular activities, rehearsals, performances, work, and trying to maintain a social life, adding a relationship on top of all of this can sometimes be too much for couples to manage. This is why we have compiled a list of the top ten things that have helped us maintain a happy, healthy long distance relationship within the madness of college.
1. Communication
Pretty much anyone you talk to who has been in a long distance relationship will tell you this one but there is no way to stress it enough. Going from spending significant amounts of time together to only seeing each other every few weeks, or even months can be a real strain because you may not feel as involved in your partner's life anymore. Keep your partner updated. This goes for the successes and the failures, the outings with friends, the drama of a group you're in, how you did on your exam or job interview etc. Communication can be hard but it's important to stay involved in each others' lives and always feel good about the situation that your significant other is going into with college and parties and new friends. Communicating also includes making sure that when your partner has a bad day, you don't use the distance as an excuse to not be there for them or pay them any attention. You are their person and making sure each other feels loved and appreciated comes with the territory of any relationship.
2.Talking on the phone once a day!
Texting is great, but one of the first things my boyfriend and I learned was that tone doesn't translate! It can be very easy for a harmless comment over text to be misconstrued by the person reading it and that can cause unnecessary tension or miscommunication. Talking on the phone is a great way to communicate and it's a more efficient way to express your feelings- whether there's a miscommunication, you've had a bad day, or just want to hear your partner's voice.
3. Spend time together
I know this one can be a little tough when you have 100 things pulling you every single direction, but it is important to make time for your partner even from miles apart. This can be something as simple as little facetime dates every week or so, like homework dates, or quiz each other on material to help the other study, or just hang out, talk, and maybe meet your partner's friends. On top of facetimeing, one of my favorite things that me and my boyfriend do is have Netflix dates. We pick a show that we both want to see, and we don't watch any of it unless we are both watching it at the same time. It might seem silly, but I promise it's a great way to spend time together at a distance.
4. Trust
I know that this is one of those things that may seem unnecessary to mention and you're probably thinking "oh well, duh, I trust my partner," but hear me out. Trust goes hand-in-hand with communication. Jealousy can be a very big reality for a lot of long distance couples and it is something I struggled with for a long time too. Not knowing who your partner is hanging out with, who they're going to the frat parties with, or what type of environment they are in can be a little bit unnerving. Letting your significant other know who you're with, whether or not there will be alcohol involved, and what their plans are could be just the comfort that your partner needs in order to feel better about a situation and trust that someone isn't going to try to pull the moves on you.
5. Loyalty
Remember how wonderful your partner is and that you would never want to do anything to hurt them or do anything to jeopardize your relationship. In the midst of temptation, remember what made you fall in love with them in the first place.
6. Don't go to bed angry
I have to credit my grandparents, who have been happily married for ___ years, for this one. Even if it takes until some ungodly hour of the night to resolve whatever conflict has emerged, don't go to bed upset with each other. In some cases you'll go to bed and wake up in the morning totally fine and go about your day like nothing happened, but that small thing that happened the night before will just get swept under the rug until it happens over and over and over again and one day all your sweeping will come to fruition and you will have a much bigger problem on your hands. It becomes much easier over long distance to ignore conflict, or put it off, but you don't want all of that to come out when you finally get to see each other again, or years down the road. It's better to resolve it in the moment.
7. Surprise each other
Even when we went to highschool together, my boyfriend and I still lived an hour away from each other, but when one of us was having a really bad day we could still hop in our cars and make the drive to cheer each other up. Now, that's not so feasible so we had to brainstorm other ways to surprise each other. People always say "it's the little things," but I promise you it really is. Receiving a surprise care package, or letter is one of the best feelings in the world, if not a little old fashioned ;). It's also good to befriend your partner's new friends, because I can almost guarantee that they would be willing to run a surprise errand or two for you. One of my worst days of second semester was completely turned around when my best friend walked into my room with my favorite drink and favorite chocolate, compliments of Noe giving him a call and asking for a quick favor.
8. Get a support system
Your friends and family will always be there for you as a shoulder to cry on, and don't ever devalue their love and support, but I found that it was important for me to connect with friends who were also in committed, long distance relationships. Being away from one of the most important people in your life can really take an emotional toll, especially when first starting out, and people around you can be sympathetic but there's a level of understanding that is lacking. It is important to get to know people that are in similar situations who genuinely understand what you're dealing with.
9. Make the most of your time together
It's not always possible to get a plane ticket for a weekend, or make a cross-country trek to see your significant other, but if it is, make it happen! Even just a weekend together can be so valuable. If visiting is not an option, be sure to make the most of every moment you have together on breaks or over summers. Time is precious and you don't want to waste any of it.
10. Tell each other you love each other every single day
I think this one pretty much speaks for itself! Affirmation goes a long way.
Remind yourselves everyday why you decided to tackle long distance. It is never easy, but it is possible and, if you are with the right person, so worth it.
