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10 Things You Know If You Grew Up In Warren, NJ

It's Taylor Ham, you idiots.

Jan 23, 2017

10 Things You Know If You Grew Up In Warren, NJ

Growing up in Warren is an experience, to say the least. From Honda Civics to Porsches, you'll meet all types of kids. Your friends are from like 5 different regions (thanks, high school!) and you're judged based on what town you're from.

Here's 10 things that you know are true if you're from Warren:

1. It's a Taylor Ham - not a Pork Roll.

2. Bridgewater Mall is the best mall in the country (unless you can afford to go to Short Hills)

3. Where the kids drive nicer cars than their teachers

Holla from my Honda Civic!

4. Long Hill kids are inferior

You can't sit with us.

5. You're either from Warren or "Wharlem"

What over-privileged POS came up with that?

6. Every party you've ever gone to has gotten busted

Because let's face it - there's no real crime in Warren.

7. Shop Rite's lines < King's prices

8. Go Warriors! no matter how much you hated high schoo

9. Prom Weekend is a free pass for everyone attending

10. When you finally go off to college you always miss home

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It's Taylor Ham, you idiots.

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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