Ah, the moment when you have the whole place to yourself. No more societal norms or expectations, no more judging glances or weird stares. So you just…
1. Sing, obviously.
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And sometimes you’re not even trying to stay on key, you just go all over the place. Maybe try your hand at a little opera or screamo.
2. Unabashedly smell your pits.
You just feel the need to check for what kind of smell your armpit could be emanating. Fresh, not so fresh, or blech?
3. Go to the bathroom with the door all the way open.
You get to observe the outside world for once, instead of being encapsulated inside a 6x8 box. Freedom at last.
4. Accidentally drop a small piece of food on the kitchen floor and decide to just leave it there.
Hey, nobody saw it. No one can accuse you of being the one who left that corn flake there. But just to make sure, you better toe it under the fridge.
5. Adjusting the twins.
This applies to both men and women.
6. Stand in front of the mirror for a LONG time.
Especially a mirror that isn’t in your bedroom. What you decide to do in front of it varies; you might’ve started off with a nonchalant before/after tummy suck, but 20 minutes later you find yourself switching your hair part to the other side and frantically searching for new stretch marks.
7. Talk to your pet, or yourself.
Goodness knows your pet has heard you say some weird, personal stuff. If you don’t have a pet, you’ve probably mumbled to yourself absentmindedly, whether it’s about cooking instructions or trying to find the other sock.
8. Act like someone IS watching you.
You’re just eating some popcorn, but the thought reenters your head that the NSA could be watching your every move, so you monitor yourself. Maybe even trick yourself into feeling ashamed. Or, pretend that your crush is in the room and practice your body language and facial expressions. That’s not weird, right?
9. Get scared for absolutely no reason.
You literally only watched a 30 second teaser trailer of the new Blair Witch movie, but somehow that has triggered enough of a reaction that you feel the need to look over your shoulder multiple times as you try to get the scary thoughts out of your head. Now you really wish you weren’t the only one home.
10. And of course, dance.
As for me, if I’m sitting, I like to bop in place to whatever music is playing on my wireless speaker (bonus points if it’s Take On Me; that shit is infectious). If I’m standing, I just go all out. If I have the house to myself, I straight up prance through the open floor plan like a ballerina on ecstasy. I’m sure y’all have done weirder things.
