You’ve read all seven of the original Harry Potter books. Then you read them again. You waited for every single movie to come out. You watched them the day they did. Then you waited for them to come out on DVD so that you can watch them over and over again. But then what? Just when we thought that our Harry Potter obsessed lives have hit a dead end, J.K. Rowling amazed us with the next chapter, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. The much awaited play hit the stores this weekend, which also happens to be Harry Potter’s birthday weekend. Coincidence? If there’s anything that I’ve learned from Harry Potter, it’s that no detail is ever a mere coincidence!

Now that the play is finally out, here’s what we know:

Warning: ALL THE SPOILERS!

1. Harry is the Head of Magical Law Enforcement.

We always knew Harry was destined for greatness, but it’s good to finally know what he actually does.

2. Harry and Ginny are still together.

Phew

3. So are Ron and Hermione.

4. Ron is just as funny as ever.

If we can’t count on Ron’s sense of humor, what can we count on?

5. There are oh so many rumors that Scorpius Malfoy is Voldemort’s son.

Don’t worry, he’s not! I mean, how can Voldemort have a kid…..right?

6. The play is filled with alternate plot lines that will blow your muggle minds.

7. Hermione is the Minister of Magic!

Let’s be real, we all saw this one coming.

8. Harry’s son, Albus, gets sorted into Slytherin.

Remember when at the end of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Albus mentions his fear of being sorted into Slytherin? What did I say about nothing being a coincidence??

9. Voldemort has a kid!

….with Bellatrix Lestrange!!

10. Lastly, J.K. Rowling says that this is end of Harry’s adventures.

ugh.