Hi As a person who has experienced waitressing firsthand, I have to assume that there is a magical change that happens to individuals as they walk through the doors of a dining establishment. Sometimes, people are not affected by this mystical wind of change that seems to pass through the doors, but most often I find that patrons who enter here deteriorate as human beings and revert back to their animalistic nature. They, the hungry lion perched at the edge of the bushes, and me, the doe-eyed waitress taking a sip from the watering hole after a very long day on the Savannah. This, my friends, is where everything unfolds at my place of business and if I was not being paid by the establishment, I might also turn into a beast poised to attack. Here is exactly what that would look like:

1. When I give a friendly greeting, sometimes I am met with this:

To which I would like to respond:

But of course, they do have the power. Every single ounce of it.

2. "Oh don't worry honey, the bartender will know what I want!"

Oh, how the tables have turned. A woman can be many things these days. I guess you didn't see me standing at the bar when you came in?

3. *Every table is full and people are waiting for me* "Can I bother you for a cup of ranch?"

"I would much prefer that you ask for it when you order your meal. You've been going to restaurants for about 30 years now, you should know that ranch doesn't come with anything automatically!!!!!"

4. *Large whine* "You don't have that today? You guys are seriously killing me."

Me:

Me watching them not die:

Them: "*SIGHHHHHHHHH, I GUESS that will have to do..."

Me:

"I'll put that in for you right away, Satan's Mistress..ahem I mean Miss..."

5. *Table of 75* "Can we put these all on separate tabs?"

"No really! It isn't a trouble at all!"

6. "That will be $87.95."

Them:*Pays and then leaves a tip*

Me:

"Thank you very much! Have a great day!"

7. "How can you charge that much for two bags of chips?!"

"Are you still going to tip me even though you just paid 7 dollars for chips?"

8. My boss "Why haven't you picked up their glasses yet? Pick up their glasses."

My table every time I go to pick up glasses:

"I'm sorry please don't rush! We are closing and my boss doesn't want me to rush you but he also wants me to clean up your table piece by piece until you eventually have to leave. But take your time!"

9. When you get everything clean and then one more customer comes in...

Them: "I think I left a little trash on the table."

Me: "Don't worry, I still have to take out the trash."

Also Me:

"Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share!"

And possibly the worst thing that happens...

10. Them: "You have been amazing! Dinner was incredible! Thank you so much!"

Me: *dying inside of happiness and joy at being appreciated.* "Thank you! Have a great night!" *Eagerly goes to check the bill*

Be kind to your waitresses and waiters. They put up with a lot, and they really do want to genuinely give their time and attention to you, but you are not the most important person in the world, and as it so happens you are also not the only person in the world. Especially in my restaurant. So have a nice day, and please for the love of God or whatever you believe in, try to make someone else's day nice too.