I know it might feel like you're lost. Maybe at this age, you're feeling really stuck with "what's next?" I know life can throw curve balls and make you feel confused and unsteady about the path that you're on. People are moving on, moving out, getting married, landing corporate jobs and you're still trying to figure out the meaning of life and binge watching Netflix shows you've been watching for ten years. I get it. Here's ten things to remember and tell yourself when you feel like you're not where you should be in life.
1.Life is not a steady progression
For some reason we think: we go to school, we graduate from school, we go to college, graduate, land a great job, have money to travel, fall in love, get married, have kids and bingo, life is complete. Sometimes that works out for people; some call them the lucky ones. However, not everyone has the same end goal or desires. Some people would rather work than go to school. Others are falling in love with some places and things before a someone. There are the highs: graduating college, landing your first real job, having enough money and responsibility to move out. Then there are lows: rock bottom, getting fired, working a dead-end job that you wake up hating and relationships ending. Life is not black and white, by any means. Disappointments happen every day and it's a part of the climb. The faster you realize that life isn't a steady progression and you're going to take two (or more) steps back sometimes, the faster you're going to appreciate the process and realize you're not doing so bad.
2. You aren't supposed to stay stagnant
People are changing every single day. That's why we lose friends and significant others and why it hurts so badly. Everything you go through changes you a little, whether it's for the good or bad. Life throws things at us to teach us lessons and encourage us to fight back a little harder. We wouldn't grow if we didn't change and that's a beautiful part of life. At the age of 15, 19 and 21, I never thought I'd be where I am today. People say, "You’ve changed" with a scowl and the fact is, of course we have! We are always changing and evolving. Without that and the struggle, there would be no progress. So remember to embrace the change in everyone. It's a part of life.
3. The grass is hardly ever greener on the other side
Something I have learned is this: you can wish and want and feel jealousy over someone else's life, experiences and things, but it doesn't mean they're happier than you. The constant argument of "money doesn't buy happiness" is common because the people who have it are still miserable and the ones without it live through experiences and moments, not material things. Most of the time, when you dig a little deeper into the person who seems to have it all together, they hardly ever do. Stop feeling envious of the friend with the better job, more travel experience or a significant other when you don't. You don't know their struggles, battles and defeats. They may be doing more than you right now, but that doesn't mean that your path won't lead you there someday too. Learn to have patience and be grateful and proud of what you do have.
4. Someone is looking up to you
When you think you're not good enough, that you're failing or your presence doesn't matter, remember someone out there is inspired by you. Whether that person is a stranger, a friend, cousin, or niece and nephew, someone is looking up to you. If you carry a lot of baggage around and feel the weight of the struggles you've gone through, know that lifting heavy things makes you strong. You are powerful and worth looking up to, especially if you're still standing with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Sometimes other people can remind us that we're doing better than we think.
5. Relax
Life for the millennial is difficult, we know that. We are swimming in student loan debt, fighting the competitive fields for jobs, dating in the worst time period ever for honest relationships and losing more and more trust every day. I want to tell you to relax. Things will always work out. If you continue to fight and make the right choices, no matter your income, debt or lack of things in life, things will fall into place. You will travel, you will live in a house you love, you will drive a new car one day; relax.When you are stressing about hating your job and thinking you'll never find one you love, relax. Things seem to happen when you least expect it, especially love of all kinds.
6. You have so much time to figure it out
I will admit to being insanely guilty of this. I want things and I want them now. I want to wake up to a job that pays me six figures, have a hot body, have a luxurious wedding and spend my life showered in rescue dogs. The thing about life is, you have to work for what you want. You're not just going to be handed things. However, even if right now you're sitting there thinking, "I have no idea what I want," it's completely fine. You have time to figure that out. I just graduated college two years ago and I honestly find it rare to meet people who know exactly what they want from this crazy life. It is uncertain and our decisions every day alter how we feel and we fall in and out of love with things fast and unexpectedly. That's all okay. There is no time frame written for when you should have your dream job, house, person, vacation, etc. Take your time, try new things and love the process. You have your whole life.
7. Love yourself
Apart of life and figuring out where you want and need to be is having faith in yourself. You're always going to have a half a million decisions to make, but have some faith that you're going to make the right ones. Loving yourself is about loving where you are now, where you want to be and where you will be. Every form of yourself is challenged throughout all the stages in your life and if you could be a little less harsh, maybe things would be a little easier. The whole world is already constantly standing on us and making us fight for air, so try not to do it to yourself.
8. Don't ruin your present thinking about your future
As people we need to learn to live in the moment more. We are always focused on the past or the future, never the now. Whether your past is something you're not proud of and you want your future to be filled with greatness, the choices you make today are the important ones, not the ones you did or will take. Focus on loving every day like it's your last. Wake up and say to yourself, I know I have a lot on my plate, but today I'm choosing to laugh a little more. The small things are the big things in my opinion. I believe in being present every day and not getting lost in the “what could have been”s or “what could be”s. Focus on not ruining you today.
9. Notice who is there for you on the good and bad days
Something very important about moving forward, even if you don't know which direction to go in, is bringing the right people with you. If you know one thing, know who rides with you, for you and against you. Pick people that challenge you, inspire you and make you a better person. Those people will make the struggle of finding yourself and your way a little less tragic and confusing. On the days where you are feeling completely lost and alone, sitting down with someone who cares about you, no matter your mental state, is something that will always be cherished. Notice who is around you when you're making mistakes and when you're on the high ground. Those who are there for both will continue to make your uncertain path a little less rocky.
10. You are not alone
I find myself thinking that I am the only one that feels like this, pretty frequently. The thing you must know is that you are not alone. We all feel this way at any age. Most of us are confused, many are just going through the motions, others are struggling to find their way and we can help each other. Just when you think you've got something figured out, life throws a fork in the road and turns you off course. The thing to remember is that there is no wrong path or wrong way. You will get to an end that you have dreamed of, if you just choose to follow your heart and tell yourself that you're going to make it. Stay strong, stay humble, fight like hell and have patience. The path you're on may be different than someone else's, but that just means you want different things or made different choices. No one's path is wrong, it's just different and we all have that it common.
