Flying is an awesome and unique mode of transportation, although it has its ups and downs (pun intended; it’s an article about flying, so I need to keep on topic). Despite planes being the fastest transportation available, it’s the preparation for the flight that takes the longest, with security, long lines, and a lot of waiting around.
While flying is a wonderful experience, if you’ve not done it before the whole process can be quite daunting; most questions regarding it amount to whether you’ll survive the ride or not. Thankfully, flying is actually one of the safest modes of transportation with only 1 in 4.7 million chance of a person dying on any flight, meaning you tend to stay in the sky whenever you fly.
But what’s the whole process like? This little guide will give you some insight into the beginning and end of your flying experience, from a guy that's been flying a few times.
1. You’ll get to the airport hours before your flight is even due.
I think flying might be one of the only times the possibility of arriving late actually motivates you to be on time – well, ahead of time. Because one must get through luggage check-in and security, getting to the airport early is a must, especially for international flights. You don’t want to be late for your plane; unlike the bus, you can’t just wait for another to appear. Well, you can, it’s just a lot more expensive. Just don’t get there too early – I made that mistake when taking a domestic flight, having to wait in the airport for hours like a goober.
2. The airport is the only place where some versions of the same food are acceptable.
It’s not because the airport is some sort of water connoisseur in which only superior brands like Dasani can quench your thirst. For security purposes, you cannot bring more than a certain amount of your own liquids like soap, drinks, etc. on board the flight, meaning you’ll likely end up disposing of a water bottle only to pick another one up after the security check. It’s best to save money and just buy a drink afterward. Because airport water is safe; airport water is pure.
3. Security is a mildly unnerving experience.
The officers on duty are there to ensure nothing dangerous is taken on board, and so they won’t always seem the friendliest. It’s not to scare you, merely ensure no one is preventing the plane from doing what it’s supposed to do; fly. After lining up, you’ll pack up your shoes and electronics in little trays and send them through a machine, get a body scan in a futuristic chamber-like device and maybe get some human contact. If you get pulled aside, it tends to be a random check, so they’ll check if you have anything concerning on your hands; explosive remains, immense guilt, etc. It’s all part of security, but know your rights [https://www.tsa.gov/travel/passenger-support/civil-rights].
4. “Waiting”.
If you change the lyrics to Beyoncé’s song slightly, it’s a decent analysis of waiting at the airport. If you’re flying domestic, the wait will be a little shorter, but it’s still a long process overall. You’ll check in your bags, check in yourself, then head to security -- the line tends to be long, so go to the bathroom beforehand. When you emerge, akin to exiting a ride at Disney, you enter a reminder of your control under Capitalism; a mini mall of stores with outrageously expensive items. The various eateries are also very expensive but, cursed as us humans are, we must eat for sustenance. When you’re done perusing, it’s off to the gate printed on your ticket, where you will probably end up sitting for an hour or two, aimlessly browsing Facebook as you wait to start boarding. Printed on your ticket is your group number, which indicates when you’ll be called up; make sure you know when you’re supposed to board and keep your eyes and ears open for any changes on information boards or announcements, as you don’t want to miss your flight.
5. Take-off: aka tilting back in an understandably concerning fashion.
After putting your carry-on bags in the overhead compartments, believe it or not, at some point, the plane’s gonna leave the ground. Following Beyoncé’s analysis, it’s more waiting before this; the plane will taxi to the runway, meaning it has to find it’s only place to take off, as some just aren’t good enough – you want the best one, or why even bother flying, you know? After the plane has moved to its runway, it will wait until it can start to take-off. The engines will fire up, which tends to be pretty loud, and the plane will increase greatly in speed before it ascends into its hometown of the sky; this will be kind of bumpy and feel a little odd, as if you’re tipping back in a chair, although this time the chair is flying. Soon you’re heading up until the plane can cruise at the right altitude, where it will stay for the duration of the flight. Soon, you will be able to do such exciting things as watching a movie (if you have screens), and using the bathroom (if they have a bathroom).
6. The Plane: Passenger’s Beginning (starring You and Turbulence).
As you cruise, depending on your plane, you may have some in-flight entertainment or WiFi. This lets you watch different TV series, such as the later seasons of ‘The Walking Dead’ and not the earlier seasons (I still have no idea why they do this). Otherwise, they may have WiFi, which will let you access the internet without taking your devices off Flight mode, preventing you from requesting Dominoes while at a level cars cannot reach (the tip would be astronomical). You’ll experience some turbulence, simply gusts of wind affecting the plane’s travels; a little bumpy and unnerving, but the plane is designed to experience this. Sit back, relax, maybe have a little sleep, as it might be a long flight.
7. The Plane 2: The Sequel (starring You and Crying Baby).
I think it may be some sort of quantum physical law of aviation, because most flights seem to have a baby or child making an inconsiderate amount of sounds, perhaps there to stabilize the plane. Cruising can last for a long time, meaning you may end up watching most movies, get bored of watching movies and then sleep; similar to the traditional student lifestyle. At some point, you will receive some snacks or a meal, some airlines offering a good array of dietary options like Icelandair does. You can pass the time by staring out the window, remembering the good times when your feet touched the ground, taking compulsory photos of the clouds to later post on Instagram. Keep your blood circulating by moving your arms and legs now and then, and if you haven’t already, establish dominance by establishing the arm of the chair is yours for a better sleeping experience.
8. “Sugar, We’re Goin Down" -- an occasionally unsteady descent.
You guessed it; the plane’s got to land at some point. The engine power will be reduced as it approaches, and it may take a couple circulations until the plane lines up with the runway before it can land. The plane may tilt quite drastically, an odd experience and one which raises concerns about one’s demise, but an entirely safe and needed one, and one which gives you an incredible view of the sky or ground. You’ll feel a thud as the undercarriage lowers, and the plane will descend downwards, albeit with some bounce, until you eventually come in contact with the ground; the landing being quite bumpy. Congratulations, you’ve successfully flown! Shake the hand of your nearest neighbor, to congratulate their continuing presence on the planet.
9. Welcome to Earth -- leaving the plane for the airport.
Technically you never left, but flying is probably the closest you’ll get to leaving your planet, so take pride in your visit to the stratosphere, and never feel jealous of birds again. You’ll wait on the plane for a while, not to get your money’s worth but to allow the ground crew to align the plane with the door so you don’t fall out when leaving – your flying ability does not continue after your flight, I’m afraid. When you get the all clear, you can grab your bags and head out the plane, thank the pilot and crew for putting up with you, and then enter the airport to grab your bags.
10. Luggage-retrieval and Freedom.
After entering the airport, you’ll head to baggage claim, which can be after customs if you’re flying internationally. Get there quickly: it’s a long process. If you're confused as to where you need to go, depending on your next move, signs will guide you to where you need to head. Don't feel silly if you get stuck; airports are renown for having confusing layouts, so it's not an odd question! If you’re connecting to a different flight, you may have to pick up your bags, although you can check with your prior to your flight at boarding if your luggage will be transferred automatically. Follow the signs to baggage claims, and it will direct you to the right section to pick up your luggage, usually a large area with carousels. Unlike the ones at theme parks, the carousels at the airports can’t be ridden, so don’t expect anything exciting.
The process can take a while as you stare at the bags rotate on the treadmill, thinking you spot yours but finding it just happens to look the same – a tip to spot your bag easier is to mark it with something, like a piece of fabric, or a giant picture of your face printed on it. The latter is more effective, as people will fear your bag, and not make the mistake of taking it. Once you've picked up your bags, unless you’re connecting to a different flight, you’re free!
Go, now: enjoy the world of the lower atmosphere with its breathable air, as the walkthrough (flythrough?) ends here; advice about ground-related things are for another article, my friend.
