If marriage is the destination, then finding a worthy partner is a journey. When we come of age, most long for a partner to love and to live with until the end. Yet finding the right partner isn’t always an easy journey. There are so many questions to answer, and so many points to consider, that we end up feeling hopeless.
10 Things to Consider Before You Marry Someone
If marriage is the destination, then finding a worthy partner is a journey. When we come of age, most long for a partner to love and to live with until the end. Yet finding the right partner isn’t always an easy journey. There are so many questions to answer, and so many points to consider, that we end up feeling hopeless.
Well, be rest assured that everyone more or less goes through this cycle. Even though this is not a complete list, I believe that these 10 points will come in handy for the traveler on this journey.
So without further ado, here’s an easy ten-point checklist before you consider marrying someone.
1. Your Preparation
Before you start this journey, it is important to look inwards and ask yourself if you are ready for marriage. This is an age-old knowledge that marriage is one of the earliest human institutions which shaped our society. You have to consider if you are ready to take on the responsibilities of this institution.
Are you ready to accept the responsibility of your partner? You must also consider their wishes as well. They may or may not want children, they may prioritize their careers as much as their relationships.
Take the time to reflect and ask important questions to yourself. Find out if you are ready for marriage. Find out what’s missing in you. Work on yourself to become a better version of who you are. After all, your future partner will also be looking for someone worthy for them.
2. Wishes of the Family
More often than not, we marry into our partner's family. Before you start this journey, seek the counsel of your family and most importantly of your parents. Your close ones might think that now is not the right time. They may ask you to focus on your career first. You may need to make a stable base that meets the needs of a marriage.
This is an essential first step, and possibly one that will be hard to do without.
3. Looking in the Right Place
Once you are certain of marriage, you have to search well. This may be harder than anything else. Reaching out to your friends and family is a start. They know who you are, and may even help you find compatible partner for you.
Traditional marriage does not have to be enforced or seemingly depressing. Even in Islam where there are certain customs to marriage, a reliable Muslim marriage site can help expand your search. There are now a handful number of Muslim matrimony sites providing alternative to dating. So don't rush. Take your time and be patient. Most times, you marry someone only once!
4. A Partner’s Faith
If you are religious, you may want your partner to be as well. Having two different mindsets and ideologies often stirs up marital discord. So, it may be a good idea to look out for prospects within similar faith as yours.
Why is faith important? It is because we have seen that this is always a point of dissent. It of course depends on a person's point of view. But more often than not, even after welcoming the difference, it may become an issue down the line.
5. Their Family
Taking from a previous point, in Islam we tend to marry into the family. Their parents and siblings become yours. If your spouse is a senior member of the family, you are also expected to take a leading role alongside them. If you are religious, marrying into a religious and noble family will not only strengthen your faith, but will make it easy for you and your spouse to live a happy life.
6. Compatibility with your Partner
We often read about marriages where the partners are not happy. They may live together, even have children, but they only stay together for social reasons. Taking from the first point, such unions can be avoided if time is taken to learn more about the other. In this day and age, it is not easy to figure someone out just like that.
Good thing is, it has never been easier to connect with someone – thanks to the internet. We previously talked about Muslim marriage sites, where you can choose from various compatibility criteria starting from hobby, personal lifestyle, education, family background, religious status, etc. The list is vast.
7. Shared Ambitions
Equality is a pillar of a strong marriage. This begins with common goals and ambitions. We not only mean ones like having children and raising a family, but professional and personal ones too. If one has a career ambition, the partner has to do his or her part to support the other and be accommodating. In a team, if one succeeds then the team wins!
It is also good to have a few common goals. Having things in common can help one understand the other. Hitting goals and winning together will only improve the bond that you have.
8. Having things in Common
When you think about spending a lifetime together, you need to fill those years with moments and memories. During the generation of our parents, having things in common and doing things together were always not thought of before they tied the knot. Each assumed that the other would compromise and they would get along for the sake of the marriage. That thinking however has evolved. Generations change, and so do habits with them.
Do you and your partner spend time doing things together? Are there common habits and personality traits? At times, being completely polar opposite may not lead to a healthy and sustainable marriage. If commonalities are few, then are you two understanding of that? This is one point to ponder about, as a lifetime of memories tends to be what takes a marriage forward through the years.
9. Expectations about the Wedding
In some societies, wedding is a grand event. Some think of them as wasteful, while others may want a large memorable event. Whichever side you fall in, having a clear understanding about it with your spouse-to-be will spare drama that may come.
Your partner may want different things when it comes to a wedding. The families of the individuals too may want different things. Respecting these wishes in a marriage and coming to a compromise is always not an easy thing to do. So, thinking about the wedding in advance and clearing it with your partner is as important a task as some of the other points mentioned.
10. Happiness
Truly at the end of the day, the happiness of you and your spouse matter most. But the big question is, are you happy with the other person and are they happy with you? All of the points mentioned lead to one thing; will you be happy in a marriage together?
It is hard to understand whether you, or they, actually are. After a fight you may be angry for a bit, and end a relationship. But in hindsight, it could have been wrong what you did leading to unhappiness. Or maybe you could have spared unhappiness in the marriage by ending it early. Taking the time to answer this question is probably the most important thing to consider before marrying someone.
Conclusion
Marriage is a sacred institution and an undertaking that needs to be thought through. These ten points may not be enough when considering a marriage, but we hope this helps you reflect on the journey that you are about to take.
