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Politics and Activism

10 Things That Servers Say Vs What They're Actually Thinking

In case you were wondering on you're next date night out.

Tessa Dobrow

Aug 10, 2018

New York University

105

10 Things That Servers Say Vs What They're Actually Thinking

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1. Oh sorry, we're out of that.

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Most likely we're not actually out of it. Either that item has already been put away, or takes more trouble than it's worth to bring out to you.

2. Would you like coffee or dessert?

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This is actually just a way for us to increase your bill in hopes that it will also increase our tips. Sure the apple pie's good, but we both know it's not actually homemade.

3. Separate Checks?

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Please oh, oh please don't choose separate checks. Now I have to covertly pass your table at least three times in an attempt to piece together who ordered what.

4. You said your drink isn't strong enough?

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I literally watched the bartender pour the appropriate amount of alcohol into your drink before I brought it over to you. Your drink is strong enough, but in a fews years your liver might not be.

5. I'm so sorry you didn't like your meal. I'll take it back.

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I'm not sorry, it was cooked perfectly. I explained in great detail what the food was going to taste like and you ordered it anyway. Wasteful.

6. Do you need anything else right now?

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I really hope you don't because I have five other tables to take care of and I've already brought you everything you could possibly need.

7. Sorry that's the kitchen. The restroom is down the hall.

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It's located right under the sign that says "restroom".

8. Yes, gratuity is included.

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But if you're feeling generous you could tip me extra, pretty please.

9. Thank you for stacking your plates.

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Bless you, it's truly appreciated!

10. The time the restaurant closes.

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We close at 11, but I'm suppose to be off around 9. So please don't make me stay late because you all want to chat for an additional two hours. We have benches right out side for that.

11. Have a nice day!

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Really, have a nice day. And have an especially nice day to the people who tip their servers well. Oh behalf of us all, thank you!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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10 Things That Servers Say Vs What They're Actually Thinking

In case you were wondering on you're next date night out.

In This Article:

1. Oh sorry, we're out of that.

2. Would you like coffee or dessert?

3. Separate Checks?

4. You said your drink isn't strong enough?

5. I'm so sorry you didn't like your meal. I'll take it back.

6. Do you need anything else right now?

7. Sorry that's the kitchen. The restroom is down the hall.

8. Yes, gratuity is included.

9. Thank you for stacking your plates.

10. The time the restaurant closes.

11. Have a nice day!

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"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

1. When you get your acceptance letter

2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works

3. When it’s move in day

4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people

5. FROG Week

6. When you find your squad

7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time

8. When you take on way too many credits

9. When you go to your first party at JMU

10. When the rival school shows up for the homecoming game (or any game really)

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