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Politics and Activism

10 Things That Servers Say Vs What They're Actually Thinking

In case you were wondering on you're next date night out.

Tessa Dobrow

Aug 10, 2018

New York University

105

10 Things That Servers Say Vs What They're Actually Thinking

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1. Oh sorry, we're out of that.

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Most likely we're not actually out of it. Either that item has already been put away, or takes more trouble than it's worth to bring out to you.

2. Would you like coffee or dessert?

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This is actually just a way for us to increase your bill in hopes that it will also increase our tips. Sure the apple pie's good, but we both know it's not actually homemade.

3. Separate Checks?

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Please oh, oh please don't choose separate checks. Now I have to covertly pass your table at least three times in an attempt to piece together who ordered what.

4. You said your drink isn't strong enough?

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I literally watched the bartender pour the appropriate amount of alcohol into your drink before I brought it over to you. Your drink is strong enough, but in a fews years your liver might not be.

5. I'm so sorry you didn't like your meal. I'll take it back.

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I'm not sorry, it was cooked perfectly. I explained in great detail what the food was going to taste like and you ordered it anyway. Wasteful.

6. Do you need anything else right now?

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I really hope you don't because I have five other tables to take care of and I've already brought you everything you could possibly need.

7. Sorry that's the kitchen. The restroom is down the hall.

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It's located right under the sign that says "restroom".

8. Yes, gratuity is included.

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But if you're feeling generous you could tip me extra, pretty please.

9. Thank you for stacking your plates.

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Bless you, it's truly appreciated!

10. The time the restaurant closes.

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We close at 11, but I'm suppose to be off around 9. So please don't make me stay late because you all want to chat for an additional two hours. We have benches right out side for that.

11. Have a nice day!

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Really, have a nice day. And have an especially nice day to the people who tip their servers well. Oh behalf of us all, thank you!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

10 Things That Servers Say Vs What They're Actually Thinking

In case you were wondering on you're next date night out.

In This Article:

1. Oh sorry, we're out of that.

2. Would you like coffee or dessert?

3. Separate Checks?

4. You said your drink isn't strong enough?

5. I'm so sorry you didn't like your meal. I'll take it back.

6. Do you need anything else right now?

7. Sorry that's the kitchen. The restroom is down the hall.

8. Yes, gratuity is included.

9. Thank you for stacking your plates.

10. The time the restaurant closes.

11. Have a nice day!

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It's not all morning coffees and singing along to the radio.

You can't just go to your room to take a nap in the middle of your classes.

Having to spend all your extra cash on gas for your car.

Speaking of money, you probably don't have a meal plan so you're forced to scrounge up some change or mooch off of your friends.

It can be harder to maintain the friendships you make with people from class.

Finding a parking spot.

It can be harder to be involved on campus because between your one, two, or three jobs and school you don't have much free time.

When you try to be super involved on campus, it can kill your sleep schedule.

It's impossible to do homework at home, but staying on campus isn't an option sometimes.

There are surveys and events that you can't participate in because you're a commuter.

Group projects are the bane of your existence.

Traffic.

Your backpack rivals that of a survivalist trekking in the woods.

Driving all the way to campus to find a note on the door of your classroom saying class was cancelled.

Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

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