Being a server is one of the hardest jobs in the world, I have decided it. Not only are you juggling 20 different things in your head the entire six to eight hour shift, but you are also physically juggling 20 different plates and cups simultaneously in your hands at the same time. You are expected to remember every single little thing, and read customers' minds before they even tell you what they want. Oh, and if you get anything wrong, say bye-bye to that tip you've been working so hard for. It's time to get real about some things people. And, here are 10 of them that only a server would understand.
1. Waiting an hour at lunch for your first table to even be seated.
Even though lunch time doesn't start until 12:00 PM, you got there at 10:00 AM to set everything up. And once you're done, all you have left to do is wait for someone to decide that they're hungry. It could be an hour, it could be two hours. And then there's the best part, that you only get paid like $2.00 an hour. So there's that.
2. When the couple at your table is fighting.
In your head you're thinking "don't be awkward," but your face does this instead. The worst is when you walk up and and they look at you like you're the devil welcoming them to hell. Not only is it super awkward to interrupt their fight every few minutes to refill their drinks, but you want to crawl into a hole each time you have to ask them a ridiculous question like "what can I get you to eat today?"
3. When someone asks you to recite the entire drink menu only for them to say at the end of it "I'll just get a water."
So listen, it took me a long time to memorize the entire wine, beer and cocktail menu. The least you can do is act like me reciting the entire thing is the most impressive thing you've ever heard, or stop me before I begin and ask me to get you your stupid water. Thank you in advance.
4. Non-slip shoes are the ugliest shoes ever made.
This is literally your face when you go to the shoe store and see what you have to work with. You aren't sure whether to choose between the bulky black Skechers, or the fashionable Wal-Mart brand. There are just so many great choices!
5. A customer that finishes their drink in 0.000001 of a second.
6. When a customer asks you to break a $20 during the middle of rush hour.
Um, can you not see the 20,000 other people in this restaurant including the three other tables that I have to take care of other than you? I can clearly see you have five different credit cards as you reach into your wallet for that kiss of death. Nobody has time to go to the bar and ask the bartender to break your $20 right now, including me.
7. Yelling the word "corner" becomes second nature.
8. You have nightmares about that one BBQ sauce you forgot to bring to table #42.
You KNEW you forgot something when the guy in seat one at table #42 gave you the look when you handed him his check. Look, none of us are perfect and I'm sure that one extra BBQ sauce not being there for his chicken tenders didn't make them any less tasty, I promise. He'll get over it.
9. When a customer says "I didn't like it, can you tell?" when you come to get their empty plate.
So like, if I fake laugh at your joke as if I haven't heard it 1,000 times already today, will you give me a better tip? Yes? Then here's the best fake laugh you've ever heard. You may call me Meryl Streep.
10. Walking out with $100 in cash tips after a long shift is the best feeling in the world.
You worked really hard for that money, and that $100 makes you feel like you own the world. That's right, you're the best server there is. No one can top you. Now go spend that $100 on going out with your coworkers when you should really be saving it. No judgement here.
