Here are 10 things to never say to someone who's been adopted:
1. "How much did you cost?"
I'm someone's daughter, not a new car. Yes, adoption fees are a thing, but adopting a baby or a child isn't like buying something from the store. Often times, people choose adoption because they're unable to conceive, not because they wake up and think "You know what I want to get today? A human being that I'll have to raise, love, and take care of for the next 18 or so years." An adoption is an act done out of love. A child isn't something that you assign a monetary value to, like an item in a store. End of story.
2. "So they're not your real parents?"
Parents are the people who raise you, love you, and nurture you. My parents have most definitely done so over the past 20 years. While they might not be my biological parents, they are very much my real parents.
3. "Why didn't your biological mom and dad want you?"
Yeah this isn't something you ask. While most adopted kids are put up for adoption because their biological parents are too young, unable to take care of children due to health issues, or a single mother who isn't prepared to raise children, there are some cases in which people decide to abandon their child or children. And for younger kids, this question is upsetting. How would you feel at age five if someone suggested that your parents didn't want you?
4. "Don't you ever wish you were adopted by a different family?"
This is just uncomfortable. Yeah, sometimes people wonder how their lives would be different if they were born richer, born in a different country, or even born a twin, but asking an adopted kid this is uncomfortable. Please don't.
5. "So if your parents also have real kids do they feel left out?"
Yeah let's not call someone's adoptive parents' biological children their "real kids". Plenty of people choose to have biological children and to adopt. It's completely possible to raise biological and adopted children together- and to love them both equally.
6. "Wait so do you have half siblings? What if you met them, didn't know you were related and started dating?"
Um ew? Why are you thinking this- and why would you even ask?
7. "Are you jealous of kids who aren't adopted?"
No, I'm not. Just like them, I was raised by parents who love me very much. While I might not be related to my parents, and I'll never hear "you have your mom's eyes and your dad's hair", they're still my family, no matter what.
8. "My cousin is adopted- maybe you're related!"
The chances are extremely thin, so probably not. Also just because you know two people who are adopted doesn't mean they're related.
9. "Do you think your parents wish you looked more like them?"
When people make the decision to adopt a child, they know that child isn't going to look exactly like them. So I seriously hope that my parents don't wish I looked more like them.
10. "You're American? But I thought all adopted kids were from overseas."
Nope, not every child who is adopted comes from far away. In fact, sometimes kids are adopted from the same state their adoptive parents live in- I was born in New York and have lived here all my life. You don't have to fly across an ocean to adopt a child at all. Now in no means am I trying to discourage overseas adoption at all- I think that adoption of any kind is a wonderful act done out of love.
