Any one who knows me knows that I am obsessed with my job at Starbucks, partly because I am a caffeine junkie and partly because it's the best job ever. However, there are a few things that most partners can agree on, and that is how sick we are of hearing the same annoying things every day. So, to stop rubbing your barista the wrong way, here are 10 things to avoid saying.
1. “I’m going to order something… and it’s complicated."
How about you just tell me what you need instead of announcing to the entire store that you are high maintenance. I understand you want to give us a heads up, but I can guarantee everything will be okay if you just say what you need. Also, it’s a lot faster this way.
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2. “I really need my caffeine fix… can I have a double chocolaty chip Frappuccino?”
Unless you put two shots of espresso in your cup of ice, sugar, and fat, that Frappuccino barely has any caffeine, and some don’t have any at all. You aren’t a coffee drinker if all you get is a Frappuccino. What you are is someone who enjoys coffee-flavored milkshakes and sugar highs.
3. "Can I have an extra shot of EXpresso?"
No, because it's ESpresso. I kind of understand this one, since espresso speeds things up. But then, I start thinking that if people read more, they would understand that it's not even spelled with an X. Then my mind falls down the rabbit hole of being a liberal and thinking about the state of the American education system, then I get distracted from making your drink. So, moral of the story is, just say espresso, please.
4. "Do you guys have the secret menu?"
Sorry, guys, but the "secret menu" is actually something the internet created, not Starbucks. (Well, we actually did add a few recipes into our POS, but that is besides the point.) We are not trained to make Twix Frappuccinos, almost every barista makes the Oreo Frappucinno differently, and most of us don't check Pinterest for the latest concoctions. And for my partners out there reading this, let's just all admit that 80 percent of the secret menu drinks we make are just a variation on a Vanilla Bean.
5. "But at the other stores, they don't do that..."
All I have to say to this is this: go to the other store then. I'm not risking my job by charging you less or breaking the rules because you say "they" did it differently at another store.
6. "They didn't spell my name right."
Okay, so this one is rarely said to our faces, but can we all get over the name thing. I know it feels like you're the only customer we are thinking about and that your quad venti upside down caramel macchiato is the only thing that matters and that people never spell Britney right anyway, but please relax. We write names on cups so that we can yell out your name so you get the correct drink, not for your Facebook post. And I'm really sorry that I'd rather get your drink right then have a whole conversation about whether it's Maddie with an IE or a Y.
7. "I NEED a..."
This is privilege at its finest combined with a lack of manners. First off, my mother always taught me to ask for things politely, especially when they are doing a service for you. Second, anything we sell at Starbucks is not something you need. I have had customers power walk the counter and demand their drink as if this is a life or death situation. Whatever happened to, "Hi, how are you? Can have I have a grande black tea lemonade?" I understand you may be in a rush, or extremely caffeine deprived, but please understand that if you have time to even stop at a Starbucks and pay for a drink, then you're extremely privileged. Also, saying you need anything is a just a tad dramatic.
8. "Can I have an extra extra wet cappuccino?"
This one is something that only baristas and coffee lovers will understand. For my partners out there, how many times have you made a perfectly foamed cappuccino, with a perfect ratio, only to hand the drink out and have the customer frown, saying, "Why is my drink so light?" or "I need my cappuccino way more wet than this." Here is a PSA for us all: a cappuccino is mainly foam and espresso, and it is a milestone for a barista to foam milk to the perfect ratio. A latte with foam is probably what you actually want, so please don't waste a barista's sacred micro foam and just order a latte.
9. "Will you put two packs of Splenda in that?"
All I have to say for those who ask us to add Splenda to their drinks is this: the condo bar is located behind you.
10. "I'll have a medium or whatever the hell you people call it here."
I know this is a weird concept to understand, but Starbucks partners do understand what small, medium, and large mean. You do not need to make a point out of how difficult our sizing is because we, fortunately, do not work for corporate and have no control over these decisions. Also, I understand that you're a simple person who just wants a cup of joe, but just because I work for Starbucks does not mean I am lacking common sense. If you can't remember tall, grande, and venti, then I think I'm old enough to understand small, medium, and large.
Although I can admit that I am slightly pretentious and extremely annoying when it comes to my job, I still believe that the customers make the job so much better, even if they make me roll my eyes. I wouldn't want to be any one else's caffeine dealer.
