Thinking back I can vividly remember my mom waking me up at midnight every year to wish me a Happy Birthday, followed by asking the infamous question: “Do you feel any older?”. Naturally, as it was for most people, my response had always been an obvious no. I never felt as if the two minutes between 11:59 PM and 12:01 AM had significantly changed me, nor did I think it should. This was especially true to me this past year when I turned 20. To be frank, I wasn’t expecting anything momentous to come out of my twentieth year. Instead, I had developed this preconceived notion that 20 was going to be the most insignificant age of my life because realistically what historically great story starts with the preface, “Back when I was 20….”?

With only a few short months left at this speed bump of an age, I can now reflect back on it and say that my anticipations were both half right and half wrong. I was practical to believe that 20 wasn’t going to be noteworthy in the sense that nothing out of the ordinary found its way to my life this year. I made the same memories as I once had throughout high school and continued to make throughout my Freshman and Sophomore year of college. I did the same things I had always done and spent my time with the same people that I always do. While this is in no way a bad thing, it was exactly what I had anticipated for myself this year. What I did not anticipate, however, were all of the lessons I found myself learning as well as all of the realizations that age 20 opened my eyes to. While this may not be a significant age in the traditional sense of the phrase, to me, it was a significant growing period. I found myself changing old habits and letting go of things and people that I had outgrown.

To my twentieth year: I had very little hope for what you would bring me but have become extremely grateful for all that you took from me.

Here are ten things that I let go of this past year that surprisingly made age twenty my most important year yet:

1. The Need To Please Others.

My least favorite quality that I possess is my need to constantly please those around me. I developed the habit of making choices in my life to reflect the needs and wants of others, regardless of its expense to myself. I quickly realized that this is no way to live because at the end of the day it’s my life and I am the only one who has to live with it. What’s for me may not be for someone else and if, along the way my choices hurt someone that I love, that’s okay.

2. Toxic Friendships.

I have been out of high school for a full two years now. I experienced the drama, the on again off again friendships, the mean girls, etc. and it is something which I certainly do not wish to carry on into my twenties. I’ve replaced my sometimes friends and full-time acquaintances with genuine people who love and support me at all times. As cliché as it is, I’ve learned that it truly does not matter how many friends you have but rather the quality of their friendship.

3. Self Loathe.

Because really, who wants to be THAT girl? Whenever something bad would happen to me, regardless of how minuscule it actually was, I would treat it like it was the end of the world. As I’ve matured I have learned to take everything with a grain of salt. I have relinquished my tendency to self-loathe and replaced it with the power of positivity. It may be harder to find the good in a situation, but it is a lot less embarrassing than throwing a 24/7 pity party.

4. Pride and Stubbornness.

Me and my stupid pride. There is a difference between being proud and just blatantly having the inability to admit your own faults. We are all flawed and, of course, make mistakes, but the point of making a mistake is to learn from it. How will you ever overcome your flaws if you cannot admit to them? I have learned that sometimes silence is the best comeback. Not every person you have issues with deserves a verbal punch to the face. Sometimes it is best to live and let live while letting your silence do the talking. While in the moment it may feel amazing to tell someone who wronged you every single thing you hate about them, when it doesn't get you anywhere your high will fade and leave you with long days of regret. Admit when you are wrong and let go of your desire to always have the last word said in every conversation.

5. Depending On Someone Else For Happiness.

Happiness is not a destination nor is it a walking, talking and breathing person (unless of course that person is yourself). People spend their entire lives looking for that one person who can change it, but I’ve come to see that the one person who can change my life is the one in the mirror looking right back at me. Instead of investing your happiness into someone else, invest it in yourself first - I promise the reward will be much greater.

6. The Past.

It is so easy to remember the past as being a lot better than it actually was and it is even easier to use that as a reason to return to it. However, you can't live in the past regardless of how badly you wish that you could. What is meant for you will never pass you, therefore if something is in your past it’s probably in your best interest to let it remain there. I became so much happier once I started living in the present and for the days to come, rather than the days that once were.

7. Negative Thoughts.

GOOD VIBES ONLY. The only thing worse than being surrounded by negative friends is being the negative friend. Positive thoughts frequent positive vibes, and the energy that you put forth into the world is returned to you in the exact same way. If you have a constant stream of negativity you will be given nothing but negative situations. As hard as it may sometimes be, I try to find the good in everything I experience and no longer dwell on the negative.

8. Fear.

Living in fear of the unknown is probably the most selfish thing you could ever do to yourself. I used to think I was keeping myself safe and protecting me from things I believed could be harmful, however, in retrospect I see that the only thing harming me was myself. If I didn’t learn to start taking chances and step out of my comfort zone, I would be stuck in the same old routine I had always kept. Doing things that scare you is half the thrill of life and if you can’t see that, you’re probably cheating yourself out of some of the best things that could happen to you.

9. The Idea Of Being Invincible.

Somewhere along the way I began to develop the mindset of “that could never happen to me”. I believed that I was immune to all of the bad in life that nobody would ever wish to experience, and frankly I want to know who gave me the right to feel that entitled. I’ve one too many times learned that sadly the worst things tend to happen to the best people. Nobody is granted a free pass in life and a perfect life is something that doesn't even exist in movies. Stop believing that you have so much time to do and say all of the things you so desperately wish you could, and just do them while you have the chance.

10. Hate.

What a sad world it is to be a part of, where the word hate is used more than the word love. It is so easy to find ourselves hating someone rather than just forgiving them and moving on. We hold grudges and engrave our hate upon our hearts like an internal tattoo reminding us of the things we wish we could forget the most. I have learned that to move on you cannot hate and you cannot be angry. If you wish to forget something or someone you can only forgive and once you do that you will find yourself forgetting and truly moving forward.