Sometimes, I think I have “lead me on and break my heart” stamped across my forehead, but I’ve had others look and confirm that I don’t, so that’s a plus. So, you meet a great guy, he says he sees something special in you and wants to be with you, he says all the right things, and then POOF – he is gone. He has ghosted you, and will send you the cordial rejection text, or you may have to prod it out of him. We have all been there, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve been there about a thousand times. I can actually construct the responses I will receive each time my heart rides the emotional rollercoaster of “why is he not into me anymore, is he ignoring me, is he just busy, what is it?” and I’ve turned into kind of a game because once a guy starts throwing shade I make my friends guess which reason it’ll be to explain why he’s ignoring me. It’s a gut feeling, the feeling of the ghost within Mr. Perfect that starts to come out the second I open up and let my heart get attached. “It’s not you, I’m just not ready for commitment.” “You’re a great girl, but I’m not looking for a girlfriend.” I have my own general response that I improve each time that I sent back cordially, when I really wish I could say something like: I I wish you would’ve told me this while leading me on these past couple weeks, but it’s fine, my feelings don’t matter, I’m glad you realized it and are letting me know all of this over a text message. This is such a relief, because now I have crawled even further into my shell. Whew. Thanks, dude.
Disclaimer: There are girls who do this kind of stuff too; it is not a single gender incidence. You know who you are, ladies.
1. You Are Not Defective
That’s right girl, you’re not some broken toy that nobody wants to own or flaunt at their own. You’re probably amazing, and this guy couldn’t handle because he’s obviously not worthy. I used to sit in my room and cry each time a guy hurt me, and I’d blame myself and ponder through all recent encounters and figure out what I did wrong. Sometimes, it is your fault, like if you’re actually two-timing a bunch of dudes or you’re incredibly rude, or maybe you hit him with your car. But most likely, you’re not the flawed one, and it’s not because of that one time when you may have accidentally ate your food too quickly in front of him or thought you had breath. It’s not because you totally looked like shit that one time (even though you didn’t) and then he realized this and that and yep, okay, that’s it, you ruined it. It’s not usually anything you did, and it’s not worth the tortuous overthinking, because the right person will stick it out with you regardless, and I know this is true because one time someone continued to talk to me AND date me even after he saw me choke on a cherry pit and vomit on myself as a result. #Goals
2. He Didn’t Intentionally Mean to Hurt You
This one was the hardest for me to accept because I always was searching for that concrete reason why I was crying in my bed ingesting more calories than a large man should ingest after a famine. No doubt, guys suck at times (but hey, so do girls, too) but it’s not like they are all just evil creatures who set out to hurt girls. They don’t even know what they’re feeling half the time, and they get their own feelings confused. When someone ghosts you, don’t take it out on them or yourself, just accept it, listen to Beyoncé (or Lana Del Rey if you’re a moody biotch like me) and rock the single girl swag that you make look better than a new Free People dress. Blaming him won’t heal your heart, just blame the chemicals in his brain that made him change his mind. Half of them can’t even put together a matching outfit, and that’s only one reason why you shouldn’t take their abandonment as a sign of intentional harm.
3. Not all Guys Will Do This to You
I promise you, you will literally blow someone’s mind and steal their heart, and it might not be today or tomorrow, but it will happen. Don’t rush it and don’t search for it. The right person will stick around, no matter what the circumstances are. True love always finds a way, and the right guy will make sure you’re not going anywhere. It takes a lot lot lot lot lot to find this sort of chemistry, so don’t be surprised if you haven’t found by that time you’re twenty, because the universe and God are saving you for someone special, and it’s not the guy who couldn’t maintain a part-time job or the guy who felt spiritually connected to Wiz Khalifa. But if it is that guy, I’m not judging you at all because I used to wear a Mayday Parade shirt and one time I actually walked into Hot Topic and bought something. I’m not making this up.
4. You’ve Gotta Kiss a Lot of Toads before your Prince
My first kiss happened in the roller rink when I was thirteen years old, and, surprise surprise, this boy ended things because he didn’t want a girlfriend (even though we were in middle school, so he must have some real issues). This really got the ball rolling and little did I know, it was only the prelude to my future heartbreaks, but it’s a prime example of kissing lots of toads (hopefully not in a roller rink) before you find your Prince Charming, and for your sake, I hope you don’t find him in seventh grade. I hope you don’t find him until you’ve found yourself as well, you know what you like in a person, and you’re ready to open up and give yourself entirely to someone. Nobody wants half of your true potential, and in seventh grade, I don’t think I was even a quarter of my true potential, but that’s a different story. Just don’t expect love in the roller rink, you’re not going to find it.
5. If He Chose his Ex over you, IT IS NOT PERSONAL
Have you ever had an average pair of shoes that are a little old that you chose to wear over your brand spankin’ new amazing shoes because the old ones are more comfortable? Likewise, this is true when it comes to guys when they lead you on and then pull the plug when their ex waves her chipped-nail polish laden finger. Maybe he still liked her when he found you and tried to make himself change his mind so he could start fresh with you, maybe he used you as a form of jealousy (I hate him for you if this is the case) or maybe he just did not truly know that he missed his ex as much as he did. Regardless what his reasoning is, it’s not because you did anything, that’s just safe, and although when we were younger they thought it was cool to jump off of everything, apparently they want to be safe with their feelings. Neat.
6. Sometimes Timing Sucks
“Like omg, right person, wrong time, ugh!” Sometimes in life, we meet people at the worst times, like right before college, or before they move, or when they’re not looking for a girlfriend. Which reminds me, are they ever looking for a girlfriend? #AskingForAFriend. Anyways, some shitty twist of luck is making it so that we don’t have time to form a solid foundation for a proper relationship with them. It’s just the universe’s way of reminding you how shitty life is sometimes. Myself, I like to believe that love is that feeling in your gut that travels to your brain and makes you feel so crazy about someone that timing is nothing, but the guy might not feel the same, and as Biggie Smalls would’ve said, it’s all good baby bay-bay. Right person, wrong time; wrong person right time; or just wrong person, wrong time, and wrong decision-making on your side. Whatever, everything I’m ranting right now is intertwined with number one: you’re not defective, never have been, and you never will be. Takeaway: timing is a bitch, and so is his ex-girlfriend probably, but let’s save that for a different article.
7. Don’t Give Up On Love
I’m currently drilling this one into my own head, because I’m sick of my heart being toyed with and broken like it’s nothing. Each time someone hurts me, I feel myself crawl into a shell where no guy will ever get through, and I turn cold. I feel like everyone is just going to hurt me if even the nice ones do, and I need to just give up entirely on love. False. That’s not fair to all of the awesome guys out there who want to take you to Starbuck’s or go on adventures or just lay and watch Netflix (minus the chill. Gag). But for real, avoid shelling up into some cold girl who has a wall so high that nobody could break it down, that is just setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. I’m not saying you should message back the guy who sent out a mass Facebook message and inserted your name calling you “a hot sexy babe he’d love to meet” because he is probably a creep and I fully support you reporting him. I’m just saying, don’t write all of the guys off as scumbags, the good ones are out there waiting to make you their #WCW.
8. This is Making You Stronger Than You Ever Knew Was Possible
That’s right – being entirely vulnerable and feeling your absolutely weakest is actually building you up into the boss ass bitch you were intended to become, you just needed a push, or heartbreak. If this were physical strength gained each time, which I wish it was because I really dislike lifting and could use some tone, I would probably be able to lift a car with my pinkie. However, it builds up an emotional beast untouched by the little problems of everyday life, and becoming a boss ass bitch is amazing. Each time I recoup from an especially bad “lead-on”, I sense myself growing. I see warning signs, I’m careful with my heart, and I save a lot of time. Sadly, the douchebags will still find you, because we live in a generation where Tinder and online flirting are the norm. Now that you’re so strong, though, you’re a force to be reckoned with, and you’re just getting that much better for Mr. Right. Look at it this way: the more you get screwed over, the more amazing Mr. Right will feel.
9. Some Guys (Pigs, Creatures, Etc.) Only Want Sex
Gag. We all know him, the man whore of the century who has stolen just about everyone’s virginity and heart. Luckily for me, I’m still waiting to blossom and become attractive, so these monsters avoid me entirely. Score! Anyhow, there are the hidden pigs disguised as decent people that crawl out from underneath and end up being so scummy that texting them makes fungus grow under your fingernails (I bet some of you had to double check your nail beds) and these are the most ruthless forms of lead-on’s because they’re so difficult to decipher when you weren’t aware of how much a douche they were. These are the ones who text you good morning and do everything right, then the second you don’t put out, they act offended and never talk to you again. “You up? Lol” Bye! I hate you all.
10. YOU ARE YOUNG! DON’T SWEAT IT GIRL!
This is so so so important, hence the caps-lock disaster in the title of this. Listen, I know how much it sucks to get your hopes up to only have them brutally shot down by Cupid’s weird cousin who probably just didn’t get girls in high school or something so he hates us all, but don’t give up. You are Rosie the Riveter of your own emotions, and guys should bow down to you because you’re a queen. I know this is hard to remember while you’re devouring chocolate so fast that you can barely taste it, but I speak the truth, and I’ve been there so many times that I’ve lost count. Don’t look for love, just let it find you. Don’t blame yourself because of someone else’s confusion. Cheers to being hurt, my friends. I’ll toast my espresso shot to that.
