People often try to help those with capital-D Depression — diagnosed or undiagnosed — with the following phrases. While they may come from a well-meaning place, please know that they aren’t helpful at all. These phrases can really irk or even hurt someone with depression, as most of them make their suffering seem like no big deal.
Please note that the responses to these phrases are drawn from my personal struggle with depression and that everyone experiences depression differently.
1. Everyone gets depressed sometimes!
Everyone feels lower-case-d depressed at some point in their life. A family member passes, a breakup occurs, plans fall through, but capital-D Depression is so much more than that. Depression doesn’t come and go. It’s a persistent form of emptiness and hopelessness that drags a person down every single day.
2. Tomorrow will be a better day!
No. Tomorrow will not be a better day. It will be a day that is very similar to the one that I am having now, especially if my depression is noticeable enough for you to see it. Tomorrow will be the same cycle of numbness, just like today.
3. You know, if you just smile you’ll actually feel happier!
As someone who works retail, I have doubts that this actually works. As someone with depression, I also have doubts that this actually works. I have never felt happier from smiling though a situation where I am not happy. Telling someone to smile through their depression is like telling someone to laugh through a bullet wound being sewn up without anesthetic.
4. Tomorrow is another day!
Yes, tomorrow is another day for hopelessness and emptiness to fill my limbs and weigh them down. Tomorrow is another day where I will have to drag myself out of bed. Tomorrow is another day where I will have to pretend to be happy. This is what someone with depression thinks when you tell them that they’re guaranteed another day of their suffering.
5. You just need some motivation.
Speaking from personal experience, there was no such thing as “motivation” when I was in the worst of my depression. There was no motivation to get out of bed. There was no motivation to shower. There was no motivation to keep in touch with friends. There was no motivation to be motivated. There was just numbness. Telling someone with depression to “get motivated” is telling them to breathe underwater. It’s impossible without the right tools.
6. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
The funny thing about depression is that is does, in fact, kill people. Depression makes people feel like they don’t deserve to exist. It makes them think that they’re a burden on loved ones. It makes them think that the world will be better off without them. Over 50 percent of people who die from suicide suffer from major depression. Depression does not make people stronger for going through it. Depression takes lives and destroys them. This leaves those with depression either dead or struggling to piece their broken lives back together with what little tools they have available.
7. Just try to think positive thoughts!
It’s hard for someone with depression to think happy thoughts. In my case, my thoughts were too preoccupied with how tired and hopeless I felt to leave room for anything else. My suffering was on the forefront of my mind at all times.
8. It’s all in your head.
Yes, it is all in my head, medically speaking. There is a chemical imbalance in my brain that is causing this. Usually, it’s a lack of serotonin, a hormone that controls mood, that causes depression.
9. It’s just your hormones then.
In a manner of speaking, yes. But this is more than just the “growing pains” that teens go through. Depression is more than getting a little weepy because of PMS or other growth factors. Serotonin imbalances are much more than PMS or growth factors. Depression usually needs medication to straighten out hormone and chemical imbalances.
10. Do you really need to be on that medication?
Yes. I really do need to be on my medication. Without my medication, I am an empty shell. Without my medication, I am numb to feeling anything. Without my medication, I don’t want to exist. So yes, I need my antidepressant medication.
