This summer, I spent 11 weeks in Washington, D.C. working as a Faculty Advisor for a program that aimed to teach middle-school-aged students leadership skills through the scope of American history. Over the course of the summer, I worked with hundreds of scholars from all over the United States, taking them to historical sites spanning the Northeast. While I was facilitating lessons about the importance of communication and respect in leadership, they were teaching me all about how to become a better (and growing) adult.
1. We are way less awkward than we perceive ourselves to be.
The most common thing I hear from people when they mention themselves in middle school was how awkward they were during that time of their lives. Whether it was speaking in front of groups, making regrettable decisions, or feeling like an overall goofy embarrassment, most people seem to share the same remorse for middle school. The problem we all seem to have had while that age was feeling uncomfortable with who we were, but here’s the thing—at any age, we turn nonsensical incidents into crushing, awkward feelings. The reality is that the vast majority of the time, other people don’t notice what you sense as an awkward moment. Be it tripping on the street or saying something completely random, it’s healing to laugh at yourself. Remember, it’s not awkward until you make it so.
2. Sometimes, we just need someone to believe in us.
It’s amazing how some people can totally ignore how talented they are. This present of wisdom came to me from a number of my students, whose blindness to their brilliance blew me away. At the end of each weekly session, I had to pick one scholar from my group of 20 kids to give a short speech to over 200 people at the program’s closing ceremony. I always picked the scholar who exhibited the most growth throughout the week, and they almost always were completely surprised that I picked them. Most told me that they simply couldn’t do it. One scholar from Arizona broke down into tears, saying he had never been chosen for anything before. While some required more coaching and reassurance, every one of my chosen students knocked the speech out of the park, openly sharing their moments of growth from the program with a packed auditorium. Ultimately, we all need to believe that we are capable of accomplishing big feats, and we can always encourage those around us to reach their potential. Make sure to tell people when they are doing awesome jobs, and surround yourself with positive forces. You never know what you can champion unless you try.
3. Making friends takes a lot of energy, but shouldn’t be as difficult as we tend to make it.
Middle schoolers often have to be forced to socialize. On the first day of each program, I asked all of my students to write what they were most nervous about on a Post-it note and to put it on a big flipchart I had made. Most students wrote that they were anxious about making new friends. It is logical to be fearful of putting yourself out there, only for people to reject you as weird or incompatible, but often, the reward outweighs the risk. I can’t tell you how many of my students started the program scared to talk to others, and left with new best friends. The probability of meeting people with similar interests in most social situations is extremely high. Take the leap of faith, and be open with the notion of an expanding social circle.
4. There's no shame in asking for help.
In a lesson about teamwork, my students had to work in groups to make equilateral squares out of random shapes. The intent of the activity was to show students how crucial asking questions and working with others is to success. Resources are everywhere, maybe even in the new friends you met while following the previous item of wisdom! Ask for help if you need it, because it’s often hard to tell you’re struggling with something until you let someone know. Even the baddest of them all need some assistance sometimes—don’t make yourself unnecessarily miserable.
5. Snack time is important.
A hungry student is a distracted student. Depriving yourself of a reward of food may be a good way to motivate productivity, but there’s also nothing wrong with taking a break for a snack. Listen to your body, because it will always tell you when it requires sustenance. You may be wrapping up a paragraph or finishing an assignment, but if your stomach starts yelling back at you, be vigilant in resolving your hunger. Besides, no one likes being cranky due to lack of fuel. Be sure to keep track of how much time you’ve been working and keep your snack times as regular as possible.
6. Love who you are now and who you want to become.
From experience, I know how confusing it can be to acknowledge the value you have in the moment while working toward lofty aspirations. Often times, we become fixated on improvement and mobility and neglect to acknowledge the progress we have already made to become who we are in this moment. Regardless of where we are in life, we must remember to appreciate our experiences, qualities, and flaws that collectively reflect our current identity. Just like Ru Paul said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” (Can I get an amen up in here?)
7. There’s no such thing as a dumb question; stay fervently curious.
I likely was asked a million questions this summer, and all of them had some level of value. While giving guided tours of monuments in the National Mall, my scholars did an incredible job of asking about every single thing we saw. Even though answering all of their inquiries was exhausting, I loved seeing the lightbulbs go off in their heads when two disconnected dots of an idea came together. Asking questions can always be beneficial; answers can come in many forms, but knowledge progresses understanding of complex ideas. Stay curious. Seek information about things you’re passionate about. Learn as much as you can. And always, above all, never give up on a question that is hard to resolve.
8. Everyone has a story, and we never know what it is until we ask.
One of my favorite lessons to facilitate with my middle schoolers was our Respect activity. During this section, scholars had to cross a tape line whenever a statement was made that resonated with them, and this movement ultimately allowed them to see who else in the group had similar experiences to their own. The activity helped scholars to understand that it’s impossible to know what someone’s backstory is until they tell you themselves. It was essentially a variation of the age-old lesson, “don’t judge a book by its cover.” It’s never positive to make assumptions about what others have been through. Often, we may find ourselves surprised about the resiliency of those around us, and what knowledge they have sowed from difficult experiences. Always be open to the notion that you may not know everything about another person. While they may not always share the details of their lives with you, everyone has a story to tell.
9. Keep setting goals for yourself.
The kids I encountered this summer may have been young, but their dreams for the future were anything but small. As we age, we sometimes shed our big dreams to the fear that they may not come true. While some aspirations may render themselves impossible, the value of goal setting in everyone’s lives is ever-present. The day we stop setting goals is the day our potential as human beings expires. Goals come in all shapes and sizes. Even in success, it’s important to establish another task to accomplish. The cyclical nature of achievement is powerful—feeling good about a triumph can motivate you to attain something greater.
10. Never be afraid to be silly.
Being a categorical goofball never goes out of style. Taking ourselves too seriously is dangerous and can limit our potential to grow outside of the metaphysical box. Even through the more serious lessons during the program, seeing my students laughing almost always made me smile (so long as they weren’t being disrespectful, of course). Being silly as an adult serves more of a purpose than it does for kids because we are always surrounded by heavy responsibilities and time-consuming tasks. Take some time out of every day to engage your silly side. Laugh with a friend. Watch a funny video. Try to tell a joke (which can be funny even if you mess up the delivery). Never give up on the humor inside of you. It can get you through the toughest of times.
