My dating life hasn't always been roses and sunshine. Right now, I am with a guy I adore who pushes me to be the best person I can possibly be, but they were not all like that.
I've dealt with my fair share of heartbreak, but I feel that from every bad story there is a valuable lesson. I compiled all of my lessons and shortened them to the top ten. Here are ten lessons I have learned from crappy relationships:
1. There is a difference between being "in love" and "love" itself
I learned this lesson the hard way because being "in love" in more of an infatuation. When you love someone, you will be selfless and a motivator without hurting yourself.
Love is a mutual benefit when its given on both sides. Being "in love" always made me give 110% percent, which is good, but I wouldn't get anything back. In the long run, I was exhausted by the relationship because I was always the one putting in the effort.
2. Only apologize when you are at fault
Please, please, please don't apologize for everything. I did apologize for every single thing that ever happened and it turns everything personal. If my boyfriend would get a bad grade, I started feeling like I didn't help him study enough.
Apologize when you actually need to. For example, if you accidentally step on his foot, it's okay to say sorry. But you don't need to apologize for him losing his keys.
3. Abuse is hidden
Of course, there will be some of you who say this is obvious. Like, "Maggie most abuse happens behind closed doors." I know that, but sometimes it is so hidden that you won't even see it while you are in the relationship.
Abuse is made to look like love, passionate love. They tell you who to talk to out of "love for your feelings," or they tell you what to wear because they "love you" and don't want guys all over you.
4. Always make time for yourself
You need alone time too. A few nights ago, I ran a hot bath, dropped in a bath bomb, and soaked in the amazing feeling for a good thirty minutes. Did I love my boyfriend any less? Nope.
It is crucial to give yourself some alone time. Take a good long shower, go get your hair done, paint your nails, etc. Spend time with yourself too.
5. Forgive yourself
Friends are bluntly honest so, as a friend, here I go. You are going to screw up. Sometimes you are going to really, really, really mess up. I've messed up pretty bad and it has taken months to get back to semi-normal.
But the key is to forgive yourself. Admit to yourself that you messed up, but that your human. Forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up.
6. Don't let go of your passions
Good relationships help us further our passions, not stomp them out. You have to stand up for your loves in life. If you want to sell art, work hard at it until you do.
If you want to write novels, like me, work your booty off and get that sucker published. You are in control of your own future.
7. Be clear of what you want
You are not going to be happy by sitting by and letting things happen to you. I have done this way to many times. If something bothers you, speak up.
It is mandatory that you say what you want. In a relationship, if you want a date night at least once a week, bring it up. If you want to drive more than the other person, speak up. Nobody is going to express your needs but you.
8. Allow yourself to feel your feelings
If something makes you mad, be mad. I ate my feelings in my relationships and you will always suffer. Do not, under any circumstance, convince yourself that you do not have a right to feel the way you do.
9. Be patient
The things you want, the people you want to know, the relationships you are still getting over, they need time. You need time to heal, time to work on your passions, and time to learn people.
Good things are coming your way, I promise. Sometimes you have to wait for them.
10. God never leaves
I know not all of you are religious, but I am. In the worst time of my life, I realized that God truly never leaves my side. Even when I was crying my heart out, He was collecting the tears and promising to always have my back.
