1. I've ended at least 90 percent of my relationships with a sarcastic comment.

"How am I supposed to forget you when every time I see a garbage can, I think of you?"

2. My flirtatious sarcasm is also attractive.

*flirting with co-worker* "So, do you come here often?"

3. Earning the most points for "Who would you kill first in the Purge?" award

That one is self-explanatory.

4. Having a full conversation with full, sarcastic dialogue.

Cat: *meows*

Me: "Did I say you could meow in my house?"

Cat: *meows*

Me: "Didn't think so."

5. Turning "I hate you" into a casual saying.

Like, I don't actually hate you, but to be on the safe side, I'm going to pretend I do.

6. Making someone cry

“Does this make me look fat?”

“Of course, Tina, you fat lard.”

7. Making my father believe I’m the worst child ever.

"What did you do this weekend, Jenny?”

“Got super wasted with the cats next door and then went to a rave with the dog.”

8. Receiving crazy looks from people.

I'm actually never serious when I say I am going to jump off a cliff rather than listen to you talk. That is just code for "You're boring me."

9. Some people take you too seriously.

I do not actually eat 26 Big Macs a day. I was just hoping that would turn you off.

10. Having the absolute best friends.

Without the language of sarcasm, there would be no connection between me and my best…acquaintances.