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10 Things I'm Not Here For

I can't.

Jun 20, 2016

As a human being, I like to keep an optimistic view in life. However, as a human being, I also sometimes hate everything.

In honor of those moments when I'd rather throw a temper tantrum than be a socially acceptable adult, here's a list 10 things I'm not here for.

1. Humidity.

I can't tell you how un-here I am for humidity. As a black, natural-haired being, humidity is simply disrepectful to my fresh twist-out and my layed edges. How dare you, humidity? I'm not here for you.

2. Ashy ankles.

No matter how many passes of the coco butter stick, you revert back to your 10-minutes-out-of-the-shower look. It's summer time and I want to wear sandals. How am I supposed to be fleeky if you keep betraying me like this? I'm not here for you.

3. Chlorine pools.

See #2

4. Literal early birds.

Have you ever been snuggly in your bed and had your dreams disrupted by these sky-demons? What's so important that you have to communicate at 4am? Is my bedroom window the hotspot for the latest aerial gossip? I'm really not here for that.

5. Reckless drivers

If you're a reckless driver and you're reading this, I hope you take the highest offense. You have no respect for my life or my fender and so I have no respect for your time. If you want to tailgate, I'll slow down. If you want to cut me off...well...there's not much I can do about that but you better believe I'm gonna wish upon you the flattest of tires as you zip by me because I'm not here for you.

6. Taking off my makeup at night.

I hate this. Why is life unfair? I wanna sleep beautiful. I want to wake up beautiful. I want to constantly be a queen. Why must I have to transform back into my gremlin state right before the most beautiful time of day: bedtime? I'm not here for that.

7. Bad kids.

If you're going to invite me over to your home and you happen to harbor two to five missing links, I'm not here for you or them. If your children come with a leash or a warning...we can't be friends.

8. Open coughers/ sneezers.

Let me explain: if you cough, sneeze, yawn etc. without covering your mouth I'm EXTRA not here for you. And there's a special level or not-here-ness for those of you who like to open-cough in enclosed areas (i.e the car or my personal space bubble).

9. That edgy guy.

I'm not here for you if you're that edgy guy in the comments. I'm sorry but you're not edgy or alternative you're bored with Internet access and enough brain power to understand what it means to play the devil's advocate. I cannot condone your shenanigans and will actively work to abolish your kind from the World Wide Web. May the fates be ever in your favor.

10. Chance the Rapper's ignorance of my existence.

I CAN NOT BE MORE UN-HERE FOR THE FACT STATED ABOVE. Honestly, Chance, what are you waiting for? We're clearly ships passing in the night, forbidden lovers, and every other tragic love scenario. Just educate yourself about my existence and come love me. I even managed to work you into this article, I'm serious about us. Call me.

I hope this list encourages you to express your anger and frustration in a positive way. Comment below some thing you are really not here for. ✌🏾️

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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10 Things I'm Not Here For

I can't.

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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