When we’re kids, we imagine what we will be like when we grow up. If we’ll look the same, if we’ll still like that certain movie or book that made us smile or cry or laugh uncontrollably, or if we’ll have the same friends. I used to think that I would have maybe one or two close friends, I would remain very shy, sheltered, and insecure. While growing up, I switched from Catholic school to Public School after sixth grade. And what people tell you about catholic school, I can guarantee you it’s not that great. The summer before I started public school, I got really nervous. I didn’t really have friends in catholic school, and even the ones I did have left a few years back. I had figured as long as I have one friend then I will make it through. I decided to stick with playing my clarinet so I could keep something stable in my transition to this new school. But once it started, it was already easier than catholic school. I made friends with a bunch of people in the band and in homeroom and classes. It was a whole different world. By the time high school came, I continued doing band and those were my main group of friends. I had the same people to sit with at lunch for four years. I had a high school boyfriend, I did well, I had lots of friends. It all seemed so perfect.

And now, at 21 years old, if I had the chance to tell my 16 to 18-year-old self ten things that would happen, I would take it in a heartbeat and say this:

1. You will get your heart broken.

It’s going to suck. And it’s going to be more than once. What’s even worse is that it’s all from the same person. Over two years will pass, and you’ll realize that you can’t do it anymore. And you will realize it a year and a half too late. You’ll wonder what you could’ve done better, what you could have fixed. But there is NOTHING you could’ve done. You will have tried everything. You will give so much and you won’t get much back in return, but that just proves how forgiving you are.

2. You will learn to stand up for yourself.

And you’ll get hated for it. Because you will refuse to be pushed around or walked over. Someone will think you have completely changed, and that you’re a bitch. When in truth, you will learn that you don’t deserve to take anyone’s crap. You are going to refuse to let anyone talk behind your back, you will begin to handle confrontation better, and you will start to learn how to not care about what anyone thinks. And you will breathe a sigh of relief.

3. You will hit the lowest feeling you have ever felt.

And you’ll get chastised for it. And be called stupid, be judged for it, and made to believe that it is all your fault.

4. But it is NOT your fault.

And you will refuse to let anyone belittle you for it.

5. You will start to figure out who you truly are.

You will learn that you owe no one an explanation about yourself. If they don’t like you, then you will begin not to care. Because you will have people who love you for all the right reasons. You won’t need to impress anyone. The only person you will need to worry about is yourself. When you begin to care less, you will finally feel like you can breathe a sigh of relief.

6. You will know who your true friends are.

There will be dumb high school drama where someone will take it whole heartedly. It will cause tension between your “friend group.” People will take sides. People will begin to drift.

7. And you will learn you do not need a big “friend group.”

Because you will turn and see the one person who had always been there for you. Ever since middle school, this person will have been there through everything with you, and they are still there by your side. You will learn that sometimes, having those few close friends that you completely trust is better than a big friend group where there isn’t full trust.

8. You’ll struggle with how you look.

You will hit a point where you don’t like how you look. You will try everything to change it. But you will get to a point where you don’t care. You will embrace your slight curves, your round face, your slightly chubby cheeks. Because that’s what makes you, you. You will learn that makeup is not for hiding your flaws. You will learn that it is a way of expressing yourself and creating a form of art. It will help build your self-confidence.

9. You will learn that failing is okay.

You will struggle with certain classes. You may fail a quiz or two. You may lose a competition, or come in second place, so close to first. But it won’t be the end of the world. Sometimes making a mistake, or accepting a “failure” makes you realize that it is a part of life and that you can build and learn from it and be able to do better.

10. You will be stronger than you think.

You will find yourself lost at times. You will think you’re confused as to what you want to do for the rest of your life. You’ll think about how you have to pass math and get a prom dress that’s a different color from everyone else’s. Things will turn out not how you want them, but you will realize that it makes you stronger. You will think at first you are struggling. You will want to give up. But you won’t. You push yourself. You prove to everyone who doubted you that you are strong and will not be brought down.

To those who are at a point in your life where you think that you aren’t strong enough to accomplish anything, look back at the past five years of your life. Significant things have probably happened to you that have pushed you in different ways. Look at where you are now. We change every day. We want and strive to be our true selves, which means we go through changes in our lives that will greatly affect us, whether they are good or bad. High school is rough for everyone. But most people don’t want to change what they did in high school because it helped them figure out who they are. Though I wish I could tell this to 16-year-old me and tell her things will be alright, there isn’t a lot I would change. I’m now a strong, independent 21-year-old woman, who is getting through college and life one day at a time.