I've been a step-parent for a little over a year now.

I do not have any biological children of my own, so this whole experience has been brand new. I love being a Mom. I love my kids.

While I often find myself looking at all three of them and seeing so much joy, love, and delight, there have been a lot of times when the "Do as I say, not as I do," mantra has happened. I admit it, I'm a hypocrite sometimes. I am selfish. I am human.

1. You can't have cookies, cake, dessert for breakfast! It's not healthy.

Immediately go to work and eat cookies, cake, donuts, whatever the vending machine gods have to offer me today. I'm in a hurry. I forgot my breakfast at home because you wouldn't put your shoes on quick enough. I want sugar. Sorry kids.

2. You can't eat that! It's been in the fridge too long.

Because I'm going to eat it later. It's mine. I wants it. My precious....

3. It's time for BED. NOW.

I just want to watch Game of Thrones and you're way to young for that. You need your sleep. It's a school night... or you look really tired... or I just need my fix of Tyrion saying smart-ass things while you're not in the room to repeat them.

4. Don't sit on your phone/ tablet/ computer all day. It's bad for your eyes. Go play outside.

Said from behind my own screen most times.

5. Your friends need to go home before dinner (unless they're invited).

I don't want to do the dishes. That's really all it is. There's five of us already guys, add in a more and the dishwasher, sink and bathtub are full of dishes. I will make you take dishes in with your showers and baths if I have to.

6. We're not getting McDonald's for dinner

Because I already had it for lunch. Shhhh.

7. That game doesn't work

It does, quite well, but you're not mature enough to play it, and I'm done arguing. So it'll be broken until you're 14 or 15.

8. Don't yell.

WHO LEFT THE GATE OPEN FOR THE 20TH DAMN TIME? I SWEAR IF WE HAVE TO STAY UP UNTIL MIDNIGHT WE'RE GETTING THE DOGS BACK. ONE THING! ONE THING I ASK YOU TO DO. CLOSE. THE. GATE.

I'm really bad at this when the dogs get out. Full admission of fault. I get worried sick when the dogs are on the lam. If you're looking for the one thing that will send me into a fully panic-induced rage, it's letting my dogs escape.

9. We can't have any more animals, we're at pawpacity

We can't have any more animals because I know I'll be the one picking up after them when you get bored. Animals are great, taking care of a three-ring circus isn't my thing. One of you wants a bunny and the other wants a snake, I'll get the third one a mongoose and this whole food chain thing will work itself out.

10. The house is not a god-damned jungle gym!

But watch me do burpess in the living room and I can see where you're confused.