Relationships are intensely complicated—there is no way around that. Even the “crush” and “talking” stages are awkward and difficult to maneuver.
Girls try, we really do. We care too much and fall too fast, and guys don’t seem to appreciate that. Since I’ve been at college, I watched too many friends receive the short end of the stick from guys, and I think it’s about time we all address it out loud and proud.
1. They’re Takers
They take and they take and they take and they never give a thing. These guys are some of the worst to have to deal with. If we really like you, we’re going to put a lot of effort into the relationship. It is very frustrating to watch a guy take the compliments, the flirting, and the kindness, and not give it back. The most frustrating part about this though, is that they continue to tell you that they like you and want to be with you.
The excuses can include being too busy, or even that they just “aren’t good at relationships.” Give a little, guys. Or a lot. Don’t tell a girl you like her and not reciprocate any of the affection she is giving you.
2. They Give Mixed Signals
You meet, you hang out, and you both feel the chemistry. Your friends see the chemistry. You dive head first into the feels. The guy reciprocated this for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, and then all the sudden things get weird. You’re still all up in the feels, but they have just kind of disappeared. No more cute texts, no more flirting, and no more cute date ideas.
By the time you build up the courage to just ask them what happened, you’re so nervous you could puke. Then they say something like, “I do like you, you’re the best.”Now, insert invalid excuse here, that for some reason most of us will believe. Then the process begins again, things are good for a few days, then back to awkward and weird. You sit with your friends and tell them over and over, “This is so annoying, but he says he likes me.”
Let me tell you something that I’ve learned in this situation, girls, and still to this day have the most difficult time believing when I’m back in the situation. Guys that act like this do not like you. I don’t know what they’re trying to do. I don’t know if they just get bored or if they have a good excuse, but my point is that he will not change. If he acts like this before the relationship, he will continue to act like it in a relationship.
Guys, don’t do this to a girl. Either like her or don’t, but don’t swing her back and forth. It is not fair. It messes with our emotions, our heart, and the trust issues we probably already had before you came along. Don’t give mixed signals. Just don’t.
3. They Beat Around The Bush
Please just tell us what you want or don’t want. If you don’t want a relationship, be straight forward about it. Are you looking for a girl to just hook up with? Just say that. I promise, all you have to do is ask and we will be straight forward about what we want. Unless we think you’re going to freak out. In that case, we want you to go first. It’s college, I don’t care if you’re looking for hook ups or relationships. Just PLEASE be straight forward about it.
4. They Lie
WHY? Why must you lie about everything? This is why girls have trust issues.
Don’t tell us you like us if you don’t. Don’t tell us you will eventually want a relationship when you won’t. Don’t tell us you’re fine with moving slow if you’re not. Don’t tell us you want a relationship when all you really want is to hook up. Don’t tell us you like us as more than a hook up, and then have another girl on the side, or us on the side for that matter.
Hiding things from a girl is just the same as lying. You’ve been arrested? You better tell her that before she finds out for herself. You’ve been with a lot of girls? You better tell her that before those girls slowly start surfacing.
I will never understand why guys feel the need to lie to girls as much as they do. I don’t really think they do it to be mean, or to hurt us. I think they’re either trying to spare our feelings or they’re trying to get what they want. If you want something that bad, my advice is to tell the truth and wait for the girl that is down. Stop the lying. It is the most ridiculous thing, I swear.
5. They Say What They Think You Want to Hear
Girls do not want you to tell them what you think they want or need to hear. It’s completely okay if we don't like the same things, and I will be fine if you like to go out and drink with your friends. Don’t tell me you never cuss, or drink, and you are completely in love with Jesus when you cuss like a sailor, drink every weekend, and haven’t talked to God in years.
The truth is that most of the things you THINK I want to hear, aren’t the things I actually want to hear. I cuss more than I should, I drink when I can (and it’s safe, I promise mom), and talking to God is something I know I should do a lot more. Saying what you think I want to hear ties into lying. Don’t say it unless it’s true. I don’t want to find out three weeks down the road that you actually smoke, when you said you didn't. That only makes things more painful and awkward for all of us.
6. They Don’t Fully Understand Monogamy
Do you REALLY need a girlfriend and three girls on the side? If you don’t want to be monogamous and you’re up front about that to the girls that you’re with, that is one thing. However, acting like you want a relationship with four different girls at a time is not monogamy.
LIFE IS NOT "THE BACHELOR."
Either hook up with as many people as you want and be single, or have ONE girlfriend. It is heartbreaking for a girl to find out that the guy she has been crushing on and “talking” to is actually saying the exact same thing to four other girls.
7. They Lead Girls On
Do not, I repeat, do not flirt with a girl, “talk” to a girl, cuddle with a girl, kiss a girl, and then not do anything about it. Our culture today says that both men and women should be having fun and doing as they please. To some degree, I disagree. Do not have fun at the expense of others’ feelings. It’s a really sad thing to think someone was in to you, when they really just led you on. I don’t know that guys quite understand the degree at which some of our insecurities control us. If a girl is actually lying in bed cuddling (and only cuddling) with you, it probably took a lot for her to get herself there. Just keep that in mind when making decisions.
8. They Never Want To Make Plans
If you’re inviting me to go somewhere, you make the plans. If I’m inviting you to go somewhere, I will make the plans. End of discussion.
9. That They Are Scared Of Rejection
Why are you scared to come talk to me? What did someone say or do to you that made you fearful of my inviting smile? Guys, we understand this fear. The thought of walking up to someone and saying hi, asking for a number, or just flat out saying “you’re beautiful,” is so, so scary.
Here’s the way I’ve trained myself to think: if you stand out to me, you’re cute, your smile keeps me from wanting to look away, I’ve also read that book in your hand or I’ve wanted to, you carry yourself like you’re ready for whatever the world throws at you next (me), or you just helped that old lady with the bag she dropped, I’m going to try to find a way to talk to you without being creepy. It may be that you’re walking through campus wearing an Aggie shirt or “I think I know you from somewhere” (not really though because I’ve never seen you before), but I’m going to find a way. If I didn't, I would always wonder. I will remember you and I will wonder forever if you could have finally been the guy to actually be different than the rest.
So build up your courage and talk to us. Most of us will be kind and flattered. Things may not go anywhere, but at least now you know. At least now, you’re not going to wonder. If things go somewhere then maybe I’m your soulmate, and maybe this could actually work. Stop being scared of us. Take a leap.
10. They Make Us Like Them Anyway
Despite all the things we hate about them, somehow guys make us like them anyway. From the beginning, I know you’re probably going to take more than you give, you’re going to give me mixed signals, you’re never going to be straight forward, and you’re going to lie, but somehow I still like you. There’s just something about your smile, the way your hat fits, how soft your hair is, the way you look at me when I steal the hat so that I can feel your hair, and the way it feels when you grab my hand or put your arms around me, that is just going to make me fall for you.
For a second, we forget about the trust issues, and for a second there is no one else in the world besides us. It’s beautiful, until it isn’t. A lot of girls love so hard and give so much, and then are never truly cared for. That is what we want from you guys. We want you to care. We want you to tell us that you care, and we want it to be the truth.
I promise if you just told the truth and if you could live with only one girl, things would be easier on you. And us, for that matter.
