10 Things Your Parents Did For You

As you sip your craft beer and complain about the destruction of mother earth, while peering over the black rims of the glasses that you don’t need for vision correction, consider all of the accomplishments of your parent’s generation.You know, the generations that you blame for everything:

1. The end of the Cold War. Under President Ronald Regan, the daily threat of nuclear holocaust was more real than just the made for TV movie “The Day After." With the Soviet Union stock piling a nuclear arsenal, and the United States left only to try to match the Russians bomb for bomb, the world rapidly approaching destruction via a battle of who’s penis was bigger. Had wisdom and diplomacy not prevailed, it isn’t out of the question that your soy latte would be heated by the more than warming glow of nuclear radiation.

2. Steve Jobs wasn’t from your generation.I know, I know, Apple products are yesterday’s news, and you couldn’t possibly own the same phone as your mom.But let’s give the man and his generation his due. I don’t intend to recant his legacy, given that plenty of books have been written and movies been made to recant his genius, but much of the world has changed for the better because of someone your dad’s age.

3. The glorious and ever popular Internet! Not only did computers come from back in your dad’s day but also the basis for the apps you spend all of your time obsessing over. Your parents didn’t meet because your father decided to “slide into her DM’s,” he actually had to have some sort of social skills to build up the courage to talk to your mom WITH HIS MOUTH, IN PERSON, TO HER FACE! And your mom didn’t get to hide behind Instagram filters and make-up apps to make her look appealing. She was actually just naturally beautiful enough to catch your dad’s attention. Props to you mom for getting hit on even if your eyebrows weren’t on fleek.

4. Contact lenses. Without the invention of contacts we would see more of a need for those goofy goggles basketball players wear. The four eyes joke would still be getting laughs. And the magic of being strangely attracted to someone when they wear their glasses probably wouldn’t have the same effect on us all.

5. Gangster rap got started with N.W.A. in the late 80’s and early 90’s. The rap group who spit the ever popular “F*ck Tha Police” were the inventors of the gangster rap genre our generation grew up jamming out to. When you’re making fun of your goofy old man, just remember Eminem and Snoop Dogg are your dad’s age.

6.While we’re on the subject of people our parents’ age I have two words for you: Ryan Reynolds. Need I say more?

7. Staying up all night to study for that big exam? Long shift at work but you still want to make it out to the bars with your friends? Redbull. The drink that gives you wings was invented in 1987. Say what?!

8. What would the 80’s be without the Brat Pack? Your parents grew up watching Breakfast Club and 16 Candles. These classic movies are some of our favorites and if you haven’t seen them, we can all assume you live under a rock. That, or your parents have failed you.

10. The 3-point line. Yep, that’s right! While you’re giggle at the awesome pictures of your dad in his inappropriately short shorts from back in his glorious high school basketball days, keep in mind that his generation changed the game forever in a great way. Without the addition of the 3-point line to college basketball in 1986, this game winning shot would have never happened, just sent us into overtime. GO HOOSIERS!