As someone who is biracial, I often run into people who seem to think these various comments and questions are acceptable to ask me. In reality, some of these statements are absurdly racist. I know some of this comes from a place of curiosity, and it probably isn’t meant to be hurtful, but these words can often make someone who is biracial feel out of place, different and like they don’t belong. Here are ten things everyone should stop asking mixed race people, for real.

1. How Do You Get Your Hair So Curly

Listen, honey, the good Lord blessed me with these curls. I don’t know how or why they do what they do, I just make them work.

2. Can I Touch Your Hair

Please. Do. Not. I cannot count on both hands the number of times complete strangers have asked me this question. It is NOT normal to touch someone’s hair, especially if you don’t know them. I take the time every day to make my curls resemble hair rather than a lion’s mane, so please, for the love of my hair, do not touch it and ruin everything.

3. What Are You, Exactly

I’m a unicorn. What, you couldn’t tell? Come on, people. I am a Homo sapien, exactly like you. Just because I am a beautiful mixture of two beautiful races does not mean I’m anything different than you.

4. You’re So Exotic

Exotic? Perhaps y’all are unaware of the definition of exotic. Please, allow me to enlighten: 1) of foreign origin or character; not native; introduced from abroad, but not fully naturalized or acclimatized, 2) strikingly unusual or strange in effect or appearance, 3) of a uniquely new or experimental nature, and 4) of, relating to, or involving stripteasing (definitions). I don’t believe anything about me fits any of these definitions. I was born and raised in the United States of America, and so were my parents. Try using a different word if you’re trying to give me a compliment. How about, you’re so uniquely pretty? Yeah, that’s a nice one.

5. You’re Just Black/Asian/White/Latino/Etc Enough

I beg your pardon, but how much black is too much? How much white is too little? What the h-e-double hockey sticks does this mean? I am exactly the color I am meant to be. I was designed this way, and I not only value both parts of my race but I embrace the way I am. Just because I am different doesn’t mean I am less.

6. Is That Your REAL Mom/Dad/Sister/Brother/Etc

Yes, that is my blue-eyed, fair-skinned, freckle-faced, blonde sister. Yes, I was adopted into this 100% caucasian family, but they are the only family I have ever known. They are my REAL family. Why does it even matter, btw?

7. How Do You Decide Which Race To Date

Hold up. Is there a new rule that everyone has to date within their race? Yeah, didn’t think so. This isn’t the fifties. I’ll date whoever I please, no matter what their race. Love knows no color.

8. Do You Fit In More With Black Or White People

Well, I don’t determine who I hang out with based on skin color so.... It matters more to me the qualities you bring to the table as a friend than what race you are. I have friends of all shapes, sizes, races and ethnicities, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

9. You Act More Black/White

This one has always confused me. What does it mean to act like a color? What constitutes acting black or acting white? If anyone figures it out, let me know.

10. Can I Say The “N” Word Around You

No. No. No. No. No. No. Never. The fact that I have to answer this question is so inappropriate. In my opinion, that word is not okay for anyone to say. I think it is derogatory, harsh and comes from a time, in history, of absolute intolerance.

Next time you encounter someone who is biracial, take into consideration the way some of these statements and questions may make them feel. Being biracial, to me, is a beautiful thing. It gives me a unique perspective on life and social situations that many can’t experience. I wouldn’t change being mixed for anything because that’s how I was made, and I think it’s pretty cool.